


Shell-Shocked

by catsandcanaries



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Blood and Injury, Blood and Violence, Disordered Eating, Ed Swears, Ed doesn't deserve this crap honestly, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Gen, Hohenheim is awful honestly, Hurt Edward Elric, Hurt/Comfort, Malnutrition, Physical Abuse, Poor Kiddo, Tags May Change, Vomiting, Warnings May Change, Whump, Why Did I Write This?, edward elric whump, poor boi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-31
Updated: 2019-10-26
Packaged: 2020-03-30 22:15:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 36,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19036660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catsandcanaries/pseuds/catsandcanaries
Summary: When Ed spends a month in Resembool "reconnecting" with his father, it's a little odd. When he returns requesting to be dismissed from the dorms so he can move in with Hoenheim, who just recently bought a place in Central, it's shocking. When things start to escalate from there, and Ed starts showing signs of something more, it's dangerous. Will Ed be able to seek out the help he so desperately needs? Will Roy and his team be able to get to the bottom of things before it's too late?Please read the tags for trigger warnings!





	1. Change of Plans

**Author's Note:**

> Hey all! I write pretty slowly so the next chapter might take a little bit, but I'm really looking forward to continuing this! Thank you for all your support! <3 If any of these topics bother you please be careful reading!!

Roy scowled as he crossed the cafeteria and made his way to the stairs leading up to his office floor. The sky outside was mottled with greys and blacks, thick drops of water leaking from the area between the minuscule patches of bright blue. Every so often a bright flash illuminated the city streets, accompanied by a chorus of thundering echoes.

Roy _hated_ the rain and the way the earth cried heavily, as if it too were mourning his uselessness. However, he knew it was more likely mocking him, the ice-cold tears dripping absentmindedly as the world turned its back on him, scorning him for depending on a cruel science to establish his worth and meaning.

Needless to say, rainy and blustery days did little to lighten up his usually tarnished mood; if anything, they only edged him closer into agitation, much to the delight of his coworkers. If Roy wasn’t so hell-bent on getting to his office as soon as humanly possible, he might have noticed the way everyone was quick to slide out of his way and avoid eye contact. Not that he’d be surprised.

“You’re late,” Riza stated matter-of-factly, not minding his harsh glare and the way his bangs stuck to the sides of his face, cold dripping onto the carpet below.

“And it’s raining,” Roy snapped back, lightly mocking her for stating the obvious.

“A dry uniform is on your desk; your other gloves are in your drawer. You have a lot of work to get done…sir,” Riza droned. It would be just as easy to dry his clothes with alchemy, but with his temper fleeting between mildly irritated and deeply agitated, it was never a good idea to mess with heat.

“Thanks,” he muttered dully, waltzing into his office and closing the door behind him. Sometimes he wondered who was really in charge, considering how easy it was for Riza to assume his role and instruct him as if he were nothing more than a Major. Not that he minded; he knew she helped keep in on track and if he ever dared argue otherwise, he’d be looking down an iron barrel.

Shrugging off his coat and draping it on the rack, Roy began the tedious task of peeling off the soaked layers. If he had checked the forecast like he usually did, he would have had some kind of foresight into possibly bringing an umbrella. Of course, waking up late after being up half the night with scenes of Ishval dancing across his mind, he was more focused on arriving at all than arriving _dry_.

He couldn’t lie, the dry uniform was a welcomed blessing as the wool and cotton blend hugged his frozen skin, coating it in appreciated warmth. Riza was a damned smart woman, and Roy absentmindedly tagged this instance to the list of reasons that pointed to her secretly being some kind of supernatural, angelic being.  

Settling at his desk, Roy tossed a dread-filled glance at the overflow of paperwork demanding his attention. He hadn’t…been putting it _off_ per se …he just hadn’t gone through it all as quickly as he might have liked (or as Hawkeye would have preferred, not that that’s surprising).  

It hadn’t even been a long week, if anything it had been a peaceful week. With the Elrics back in Resembool for a much-needed break for a month, Roy had had many a peaceful week. There was even a significantly smaller amount of paperwork than normal, what with the lack of Elric-related incidents that usually resulted in hospital stays and mountains of extra files.

“Sir,”

Roy had been so caught up in his spiral of self-pity and procrastination that he hadn’t heard the door open, and judging the way Riza’s voice was slightly more strained than usual, it wasn’t the first time she’d tried to get his attention.

“Sorry,” He muttered, raising his head to see what she needed.

“The Elrics are here to see you,” She mused, a faint hint of a smile tugging at her lips. Roy sighed heavily, placing his head in his hands only to cringe at the coolness of his still-damp hair.

“Of _course_ they are, of _course_ that’s today,” He grumbled. It was only cruel fate that had him appreciating the lack of paperwork mere moments before it was sure to increase tenfold.

 

* * *

 

The Elrics had been back in Resembool visiting their father, who had contacted them out of the blue requesting their presence.  It was supposed to be a quick trip; Ed had made it pristinely clear he didn’t want to stay around his father longer than _“absolutely necessary”_. So, when Al called Mustang, asking for a month’s leave so they could spend more time with their father, Roy had been shocked. He was quick to sign the needed paperwork, and assured them a month was the least he could give them after all their hard work, but it had been strange not hearing Ed put up a fight from the other end of the receiver.

Ed was usually adamant about refusing days off, he even tried to work through Christmas years past (thankfully Riza firmly believed in having holidays off to recuperate and a stern glare from her shut Edward up and stopped any future schemes; Roy would be eternally grateful to her).

 The thought of that kid sitting still and ceasing his search, his work, for an entire _month_ to spend time with a man he only ever mentioned to Roy _once -_ and that was through gritted teeth and flame-filled eyes - was bizarre, to say the least.

 

* * *

 

But alas, Roy’s peaceful “vacation” slipped through his still-damp fingers as the blond alchemist strolled into his office. Edward glanced around quickly, his eyes darting across the room before he made his way to the desk. Anyone else may not have thought much of it, gathering your bearings is a natural instinct. However, Roy had been spending too much time with Hughes and the small notion didn’t go unnoticed by him; Ed had been in the room many times, usually screaming and picking a fight.

_Why was he so on edge?_

“Fullmetal, it’s been a while,” Roy mused, a small smirk decorating his face. “Did you get even _shorter_ in that month you were gone?”

Ed scowled at him, “You just haven’t seen me in a while,” he snapped.

Any hint of a smile immediately fell from Roy’s face at the boy’s response, or more accurately, lack of. It had been unusual for Ed to not burst in here yelling at him, and it was even _more_ unusual for him to not react to comments about his…smaller stature.

Roy took a moment to think on it, the investigative part of his brain compiling a list of everything that seemed off.

Ed had walked in calmly and respectfully, even going so far as to let Hawkeye give Roy some warning. Usually, he barged in without permission, acting as though the room was his.

Ed hadn’t raised his voice at all, which was strange considering he was known by many people for his loud booming voice, something that almost made up for his short stature.

Ed hadn’t gotten pissed at Roy’s (smooth, though he wouldn’t gloat on it… for today at least) comment about his height.

“Maybe so,” Roy said after a moment of mentally categorizing Ed’s peculiar behavior; he didn’t want to step into matters that didn’t concern him, and while he may have been a bit worried, it wasn’t in his place to pester the alchemist.

Besides, Ed _had_ just been around his father for a month after not seeing him for years, he was probably just tired.

“How was Resembool? I can’t say I wasn’t surprised when Al called and asked for a month off, but I’m glad to see you two finally taking some time for yourselves away from the military.”

“It was fine,” Ed grunted, tossing a glance at the other side of the room. Roy couldn’t help but frown at the lack of emotion; surely Ed would have plenty to complain about. It was unlike him to restrain from using Roy as his emotional punching bag; the invisible list only continuing to grow.

“Glad to hear it…” Roy muttered, a bit unsure as to how to proceed.

“I need you to sign this,” Ed stated as he shuffled through his pockets for a bit, eventually tossing a mangled piece of paper in front of him. Roy looked it over, his brows scrunching together in confusion.

“You’re requesting removal from the dorms?” He asked. “Whatever for?” He knew the boys didn’t have anywhere else to stay unless they were planning on leaving for Resembool again, this time _permanently._ Roy’s heart nearly seized up in his chest, surely Edward wasn’t thinking of leaving the military. Especially considering he hadn’t gotten his brother’s body back yet.

“Our…Hoenheim bought a place here in Central. We don’t really need to stay in the dorms anymore.” Ed said plainly, as if it were obvious and Mustang was just dense.

Roy’s eyes widened and he dared look up at Edward who…was still focused on something across the room.

“Oh…”

It was silent for a moment as Roy took some time to collect his thoughts. He was stunned, to say the least. Everyone who knew Ed knew how much resentment he had for his father.

“I’m glad that he’s back in your life, and that you two are getting along,” Roy muttered after a while. He wasn’t really sure what else to say; all of these changes were so sudden and so unlike Edward that he couldn’t help but feel blind-sided. Even though it was out of his hands, and it really wasn’t much of his business.

“It doesn’t matter,” Ed snapped, “Just sign the damn papers so I can get out of your hair and start moving stuff.”

“Uh, sure, I’ll get to it…” Roy trailed off, beginning to fill out the transfer request. Something was off, Edward never seemed to care if he was bothering Mustang, quite the opposite. It had seemed he thrived on taking up as much of Roy’s time as necessary.

“I’ll be sure to change your guardian status as well then,” Roy mentioned as he was working on the paperwork. “I’m technically your legal guardian under military status, for medical emergencies and legal issues, but I can have it transferred to Hoenheim for you.”

Ed paled at the notion, he understood Roy had good intentions and it was the logical next step for this kind of thing. However, the thought of Hoenheim being able to make decisions for him made him nauseous.

“Um...actually don’t do that,” Ed spurted.

“…and why not?”

“Just don’t. Leave it as it is, it’s fine.”

Roy cocked an eyebrow at his subordinate, confused beyond confused. Having Roy remain his legal guardian on paper was strange, especially considering how often Roy had heard Edward complain about Mustang being able to control parts of his life when he had been stuck in the hospital, unable to leave until Mustang signed the papers.

“If you say so,” Roy shook his head incredulously. “Just don’t go doing anything stupid that makes me regret not handing you over to Hoenheim,” he chuckled, trying to make light of a peculiar situation.

Edward just frowned at his words and nodded, a slight hum of agreement leaving his tightly closed lips.

Roy finished signing the needed papers and handed them to Ed cautiously, feeling as though there were something deeper going on. Something that later might have him regretting signing those forms.

“If you give those to Hawkeye she’ll file them away and have them processed for you. The transfer request won’t take long to go through, you’ll need to be completely moved out by the end of the week,” Roy explained robotically, his brain still trying to wrap itself around the situation.

“Thanks,” Edward nodded to him. He grasped the papers quickly and shuffled out of the room, not waiting to be dismissed. At least that hadn’t changed about him.

 

* * *

 

Ed’s eyes darted around the moment the door closed behind him, as he looked for the familiar blonde sniper. He was grateful Roy hadn’t prodded anymore than he had, Ed really didn’t want to have to explain to him the last-minute changes in his life. Now that he thought about it, he’d rather not have to explain it to _anyone_.

Besides, he doubted anyone would believe him.

“Is something the matter?”

Ed jolted around quickly, nearly colliding with Riza as she stood stoically behind him.

“Shit- uh, no I was just told to give these to you for processing,” Ed muttered as he fumbled with the papers, eventually holding them out in his hand for Hawkeye to take them. His cheeks were slightly heated with the embarrassment of her spooking him, he shouldn’t have gotten lost in his thoughts.

 She cocked an eyebrow at him, a slight frown etched on her face from the way he had nearly jumped out of his skin, and pried the crumpled papers from his automail fingers.

Hawkeye glanced at the forms below, her heart freezing for a moment as she comprehended what they meant. However, Roy’s thick and messy signature scrawled across the bottom kept her from asking any prodding questions.

“Is that all?” She asked instead, taking a moment to glance at Edward and the way his shoulders hunched over, or the way his eyes didn’t seem to be content staying focused on one thing.

“Yep, thanks Hawkeye,” Ed nodded jerkily, the notion nearly shaking his whole body.

“Is everything alright?” Riza questioned, her voice softening ever so barely. Roy may have been hesitant to pester the young alchemist about his seemingly off well-being, but Riza held no such fear.

“Fine, everything’s fine. Just have a lot to get done,” Ed rambled quickly. “Hoenheim’s getting stuff ready in the new place and I’m supposed to help out. He’d be pretty upset if I was super late,” Ed chuckled, fumbling with the sleeves on his jacket.

“Of course. I hope everything goes well,” Riza stated, her eyes trailing the blond as he walked out in a haste. She may have had other questions, but she hoped her superior would be able to answer at least a few of them.

She quickly shook her head and started walking to deliver the forms. Anyone would be stressed with moving, and he was still young. Maybe she was just being paranoid.

Everything was sure to be fine.

 

* * *

 

Edward gulped nervously as he opened the heavy wooden door, peering inside cautiously.

“Ed! You came just in time - we need your help lifting this dresser!” Al’s cheery voice echoed through the hallway, and Ed sighed.

“Yeah yeah gimme a minute,” He called back, running into the kitchen to grab a quick snack before helping them out. He hadn’t had time to eat lunch, and dinner seemed too far away. They didn’t have much at the new place yet, but it had only been a couple of days since securing the place and they had been too busy moving furniture around. Between Hoenheim having traveled so much, and the incident on October 3rd, they didn’t have much furniture on hand, so Hoenheim had to purchase and move in a lot of it.

Ed was too busy rummaging through the meagerly stocked pantry, thinking about all they had to get done, to hear the footsteps slowly making their way to the kitchen.

“Did I say you could have anything?”

Ed froze, his hand wrapped around a box of crackers from the back of the shelf.

“I didn’t have lunch,” Ed stated plainly, trying to keep any frustration out of his voice.

“You didn’t ask.”

Ed bit his lip softly, still frozen in place. Slowly he lowered his hand from the box and let it rest tensely by his side.

“Can I have something to eat?” He asked after a while, head still hung low.

“Look at me when you’re talking to me,” Hoenheim’s voice was cold, and it sent shivers down Ed’s spine. He’d never gotten physical with him, at least not yet, but the emotionless voice that sent commands and instructions Ed’s way weren’t very comforting.  

Ed tore his gaze from the floor and forced his head to turn until he stared Hoenheim in the eyes. His gaze was stern and unforgiving, and he seemed to wear a permanent scowl whenever he was around Edward.

“Can I have something to eat?” Ed asked again.

“Sir,” Hoenheim corrected.

It took every ounce of willpower for Ed to not roll his eyes at the comment.

“Can I have something to eat… _sir_.”

“No,” Hoenheim stated. “You need to help your brother with the dresser. You can wait and eat at dinner.”

Ed clenched his fingers in a fist, his arm shaking in anger.

“I…I don’t know if I can wait that long, I have automail to keep up with!”

Ed cringed at how his voice caught as raw emotion threatened to engulf his conversation, and _that_ wouldn’t be acceptable. Hoenheim hated when he got too emotional, angry or otherwise, and would only take more things from him.

“You should have thought of that beforehand.”

Ed’s eyes widened, and he had to clench his teeth to keep from saying something he’d regret.

“I-“

“If I hear one more word from you about it you won’t be getting dinner either,” Hoenheim snapped, his eyes blazing with anger that threatened to boil over.

Ed shut his mouth, and nodded quickly to him. He hated how submissive he had to act, how he couldn’t stand up for himself and advocate for things he knew were wrong. But Ed was scared, scared that if he argued back too much Hoenheim would snap and take things too far.

Words hurt, but were much easier to brush off than bruises and broken bones.

“Hey Ed! What’s taking you so long?” Al popped his head into the doorway. Ed grit his teeth together and dared glance up at Hoenheim, who looked as if he’d snap Ed’s neck if he said the wrong thing.

“Nothing Al, I’m coming. Where are we even putting this dresser?” He tried to keep his voice light and cheery, but there was still a slight edge to it no matter how much he tried. Al thankfully didn’t seem to notice, at least not this time.

“Upstairs! Dad wants it in his room but his back’s bad and he can’t carry it up there,” Al rambled.

“Yeah, of course…” Ed trailed off. Hoenheim had anything _but_ a bad back, though Ed would never dare say that out loud. He couldn’t risk Hoenheim getting too mad at him, and he was scared of what he’d do to Al if Ed misbehaved too badly.

Ed shook his head as he grabbed the dresser, helping Al lift it slowly up the stairs.

_When did he get to be such a coward?_

_When did things get this bad?_

He knew the answer of course, but didn’t care to dwell on it. He had furniture to move, and with the way his stomach was rumbling and his automail was starting to feel heavy, he needed all the distraction he could get.

 

* * *

 

Riza was lost in thought as she made her way back to Roy’s office. Most of the staff had cleared out, it was nearing the end of the day and nearly everyone was on their way home.

Latching onto the heavy wooden door, she gently clicked it open.

“Sir?”

“Hawkeye, come in.”

Roy was sitting at his desk, finishing off the last bit of paperwork for the day. He still had a decent pile left in the corner, but Riza decided it wasn’t worth it to mention it today. From the way Roy’s eyebrows furrowed in concentration, and the way his hair stuck out in odd places as a result of him running hands through it for the better half of the day, Riza could tell he was stressed.

She decided to cut to the chase. No point in dancing around the elephant so clearly standing in the room.

“How long has Fullmetal been wanting to move in with his father?”

Roy sighed, finishing the form he was on before setting the pen down and aside. He slowly brought his hands together and rested his forehead atop them.

“I don’t know. He said his father has already bought a place in Central, so he had to have known about it for a while.”

Riza hummed in response, moving to sit on the couch.

“Do you think this has to do with why they were in Resembool for so long?”

“Probably. I mean, they were there to spend time with their father. Maybe they worked things out and he decided to move up here so they could…make up for lost time or something,” Roy muttered coldly.

Riza nodded, “That would make sense…” She trailed off.

“But?”

“But…if that were the case, why do you seem so stressed by it? I understand this is sudden and surprising, but surely it’s a relief to have the Elric boys taken off your hands. Maybe having their father up here, and closer in their lives, will do them good,” Riza pointed out.

“See that’s the thing,” Roy grumbled. “They’re not off my hands. Not completely. Fullmetal refused to let me sign over guardianship to Hoenheim, I’m still technically his legal guardian as of now.”

“Oh,” was all Riza could manage. “That is a bit strange.”

“I don’t know, it’s been bothering me all day. There’s just something that’s not adding up, and with the way Fullmetal was acting, I get the feeling he’s hiding something.” Roy sighed, sliding the completed form into the tray on the edge of his desk. He stood, grabbing his now-dry coat and pile of wrinkled clothes from this morning.

“Maybe he is, but he could also be stressed about moving so suddenly. Maybe he just didn’t want to change everything all at once, I can see how that might be overwhelming for him,” Riza countered.

“Hmmm…” Roy paused for a moment. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe I’m just overthinking it, and was just shocked by the sudden development.”

Riza stood as Roy pulled his coat on, motioning towards the door. The two of them exited the office, walking out of the building and into the night. The rain had ceased, but the cold feeling of unease that had come with it earlier hadn’t left Mustang.

“Just try and get some rest sir, I’m sure things will be alright. Fullmetal will be running through your doors tomorrow demanding a new assignment now that he’s back in town, just you wait,” Riza attempted to reassure him. She wouldn’t admit she was a bit unsure of the situation herself, and that something wasn’t adding up.

“I hope you’re right,” Roy chuckled. “Wow, I never thought I’d see the day when I’d _want_ Fullmetal to yell at me and act as childish as he usually does.”

Riza smiled, her face softening with the lightness of Roy’s voice.

“Thank you Riza,” Roy turned to her. “You always seem to know what to say.”

“I _have_ known you for a long time, sir,” She smirked. “It comes with the trade.”

Roy rolled his eyes, a similar smirk doting his face as he turned and headed towards his apartment. He threw up a hand in farewell, and was grateful his back was to Riza so she couldn’t see the frown that fell upon his face.

Everything was going to be fine, but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t worry about it until the next day arrived and could prove it to himself with his own eyes. He had a feeling it was going to be a long night.

Riza watched as he walked off, also grateful to be seeing his back.

It was much easier to reassure someone else, than it was to reassure herself.

 

* * *

 

Ed stared up at the ceiling, his stomach churning with unease and a lack of food. He had accidentally turned the dresser too sharply when they were walking into the room, scratching the doorframe and some of the paint on the wall. It had been a simple accident, but Hoenheim’s furious glare told Ed all he needed to know, and that was that any hopes of dinner were off the table.

Al had asked him what was up when he skipped out on their meal, instead asking to be excused to his room. Ed just shook him off, telling him he had eaten a big lunch at the cafeteria before coming back home, and wasn’t hungry. Thankfully his younger brother seemed appeased by his half-assed lie, and went back to telling Hoenheim about some new book he had started. Just because he didn’t need to eat, didn’t mean he wanted to be left out while Hoenheim sat at the table.

It frustrated Ed that Al didn’t notice, or didn’t see what Hoenheim was doing. How cruel of a person he really was, how controlling he had to be. Then again, Hoenheim was careful not to ever get angry with Al, or look at him with the same disgust he did with Ed.

In a way, Ed was grateful for that. Sure, it was irritating that he was suffering alone, and couldn’t talk to Al about it or share the problem with him. However, he was grateful Al was left untouched. Not that there was much Hoenheim could do to hurt Al physically - what with the armor and all – but Al didn’t need the mental baggage that Hoenheim could whip out like it was nothing.

Ed turned onto his side, his hands grasping the thin comforter. He still wasn’t used to the new bed, and some part of him ached for the uncomfortable, military-issued ones back at the dorms. At least there he could still sleep instead of stay up worrying about when his next meal would be, or if today would be the day Hoenheim got physical with him.

Sighing, Ed closed his eyes, attempting to ignore the hunger that was starting to gnaw at his stomach. It had only been a day, but with his automail leeching energy off his body, it felt like two.

_Tomorrow would be better._

They were going to finally move their stuff from the dorms, and as long as Ed was quiet and minded his tongue, he’d at least be getting meals and avoiding harsh conversations whispered when Al wasn’t around.

_Tomorrow would be better._

Ed was relying on that hope, that tomorrow would be ok and that things would start to look up.

If only he’d known, that with Hoenheim moving to Central, and all of them living in close quarters once more, things would only get much _much_ worse, before they got any better.

 

 

 


	2. Fleeting Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ed felt his stomach drop as soon as Mustang said those words. His heart hammered in his chest, and the room all of a sudden felt three sizes too small. Hoenheim might be his father, but he’d never be his father.
> 
> Ed’s teeth grit together and his eyes were ablaze in golden fury.
> 
> “Don’t call him that,” He snapped viciously, glaring at Mustang from underneath his messy bangs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Language and Mildly Abusive behavior
> 
> See the end of the chapter for more notes and explanations.

Ed winced as he cracked his eyes open, the bright lights of the unfamiliar room assaulting his brain. Between the stress of dealing with Hoenheim, and the lack of food, his head was pounding.

Groaning, Ed turned over slowly and glanced at the clock beside his bed. The hands moved achingly, but clearly showed that it was 9:30 in the morning.

He was supposed to be at Central by 9:30.

Cursing softly Ed swung his feet out of bed, wincing when his automail leg hit the floor. The joints were sore from overexertion, and the lack of sustenance to fuel their heavy energy requirement. Lucky for him, his stomach had stopped complaining and had seemingly settled for the cold emptiness.

_Lucky huh,_ Ed thought with a quick shake of his head. That was one way to put it.

Ed quickly pulled his clothes on, a tight grimace stretching across his face as he fumbled with his coat, his arm aching for assistance and fuel. It had only been a day, but his limbs were fending on scraps and were very clearly protesting their anger about it.

Ed strolled downstairs and peered around the banister. Hoenheim would be up by now, no doubt making breakfast for himself, or just finishing up. He thought about popping in and grabbing something quickly, but he didn’t want to risk it. Better to leave Hoenheim be; Ed knew he’d be grateful for the space and would maybe even be in a better mood when Ed returned later in the day.

Al’s voice echoed across the room, as he appeared to be talking with Hoenheim, discussing their plans for the day. They still had a lot of furniture to move in, furniture Ed would be helping with if he didn’t have to report to work. Luckily that was the one thing Hoenheim hadn’t dared take from him; be it because it got Ed out of the house, or he didn’t want the military breathing down his neck – Ed wasn’t sure.

Ed thought about at least saying goodbye to Al before he left for the day, but Hoenheim’s presence made him nervous and if he dared interrupt their conversation, he knew there would be hell to pay later. He couldn’t risk it; dinner was far too important to miss today.

Instead, he slipped out, making sure the door closed softly. That had been one mistake he’d made back in Resembool; his old habit of slamming doors open and closed hadn’t gone over well with Hoenheim. Ed didn’t particularly want to hear that lecture again, to feel Hoenheim’s breath on his skin as he screamed awful things inches from Ed’s nose. He had made Ed repair the door without using alchemy later, even though most of the cracks and chips had been there long before Ed was even born.  

Shuddering at the memory, Ed began his stroll to Central. Their house was only a couple blocks away, and it was a much nicer day out today than it had been yesterday. The rain had paused in its barrage, only a few clouds daring to dot the bright sky.

 

* * *

 

 

Ed loved walking; he and Al had walked all over Amestris during missions, and his body was used to the light strain. Although, it was also used to him eating decent meals.

The walk today was draining, and it seemed to take Ed twice as long to arrive at Central than usual. His limbs screamed as he walked, his vision swimming slightly as his head throbbed painfully. He didn’t even bother to glance at the clock as he made his way inside the cool building. Military personnel were wandering about, each doing their own jobs and tasks. Ed was glad none of them paid him any mind; it gave him a chance to catch his breath and rub gently at his thigh where the automail was leeching any energy he had.

Once he had settled (as best as he could, given his situation), he made his way upstairs and to Mustang’s office to report in. The crew glanced up at him as he walked through, doing his best to hide the slight limp and the painful grimace on his face. He clearly hadn’t done a very good job, considering the concerned glance Riza threw his way and the way everyone seemed to hold their breath around him, hesitant to speak up about his obvious discomfort.

“I’m here to report in,” Ed grumbled, coming to stand in front of the Lieutenant. She looked him over, scanning for any obvious wounds or problems. However, finding none, her face only crinkled in worry even more.

“Of course, I’ll let him know you’re here,” Riza nodded to him. Ever since yesterday Ed had been acting off, and him asking permission to enter instead of barging in per usual – was strange.

“Is everything alright Edward?” She asked.

Ed’s eyes widened for a fraction of a second before he recovered quickly, and spared a glance up at her.

“It’s fine.”

Riza opened her mouth to argue back, but decided against causing a scene in the middle of the office. No need to piss off the blonde any more than Roy probably would.

Instead, she slid into the office, her heels clicking as she made her way to his desk. Roy was in the middle of signing a few papers when he heard her come in, his head rising on instinct.

“Lieutenant?”

“Fullmetal is here to report in,” She stated, her eyes scanning over the measly pile of paperwork left on the desk. Mustang was clearly stressed over something if he actually got his work done, and she assumed it was for the same reason she was.

“Ah I see,” he muttered back, folding his hands under his chin. “How does he seem?”

“He looks… almost like he’s in pain, sir. In all honesty, I’m not sure what’s wrong with him, but he still doesn’t seem to be himself.”

Roy nodded to this, his mind trailing off into deep thought.

“Send him in, maybe he’s finally experiencing some growing pains,” Mustang said with a light chuckle. Riza smiled at that, but it was quickly replaced by her usual stoic features. She nodded to him silently, and slipped back out the door.

 

* * *

 

 

Edward was leaning up against the wall, his head hung slightly and his eyes closed. His face was slightly paler than usual, and his arms were crossed tightly against his chest. Riza glanced around, catching Havoc’s eyes as he motioned towards the alchemist with worry.

“General Mustang is ready to see you Fullmetal,” She announced, standing at attention a few feet from his position. Ed raised his head slowly, blinking wearily up at her.

“Thanks,” He mumbled, pushing himself off the wall. His automail leg nearly buckled with the sudden weight and he stumbled sharply to the side. He would have fallen flat on his face if Riza hadn’t placed a firm hand on his shoulder to steady him.

“Damn leg,” Ed laughed, though it was strained. “Always gets stiff after it rains, how shitty is that?”

“If it’s acting up you should have Winry come to repair it.”

Ed just shook his head and smiled shakily, “Nah it’s fine. Just need to get it movin’ and work the gears.”

“If you’re sure,” Riza replied, hesitant to believe him. Ed simply nodded at her and made his way into Mustang’s office. His leg screamed at him, threatening to stop working without any means of energy to keep it functional. He would get an early lunch as soon as he finished checking in with Mustang, but as more time passed the ache only grew more present.

Limping into the room, Ed all but collapsed on the couch, grateful for the moment off his feet.

“Make yourself at home Fullmetal,” Roy droned sarcastically at his lack of manners.

“Oh shut up, I’m just here to report in. What do you have for me?” Ed snapped back at him. Between his empty stomach, his leg and arm aching, and the headache that was starting to press even more aggressively against his skull, he was in a foul mood.

“Well, there’s a rouge alchemist causing some issues a few cities over. I can get you on a train later this afternoon and have you there tonight. I would have given it to you yesterday if you hadn’t left in such a hurry, though I suppose it takes you twice as long to get places with legs as short as yours,” Roy smirked, obnoxiously proud of his retort.

“I’m not _short_ ,” Ed snapped, lacking some of the usual fire, but still more responsive than he had been the other day. Roy counted it as a victory.

“And I enjoy doing _paperwork_ ,” Roy grinned.

Ed just rolled his eyes, shifting his weight slightly so that his automail arm could rest against the back of the couch better, taking some of the strain off the over-exerted joints.

“Actually, do you have anything in Central? With Hoenheim moving in he needs me around to be able to help,” Ed asked quietly, slightly worried about the response he’d get.

Of course, Hoenheim didn’t really _need_ his help much, and if Ed tried to help there’s a good chance he’d get yelled at anyway. However, Ed was mostly worried about leaving Al behind with Hoenheim.

 

* * *

 

 

Al usually accompanied him on his missions, but with Hoenheim wanting to spend “more time with them”, he’d surely see no reason for Al to tag along this time. Especially considering _Ed_ was the military dog, not Al.

Hoenheim hadn’t done anything to Al, he hadn’t yet been physical with Ed either, but Ed had always been there to take the brunt of any verbal anger Hoenheim decided to take out on him. Better him than Al.

It seemed ridiculous that he couldn’t get out of the city to do a job he was signed up for, just because of how his asshole of a father _might_ react. It drove Ed nuts, and he bit his lip worriedly. He hated not being able to gauge the outcome, to not see a clear path of logic to what might happen or what could happen. Alchemy was simple in comparison: you knew the path you were taking and you knew what the intended outcome would be.

The unknown’s and unpredictability of Hoenheim’s moods and actions were daunting, and they stressed Ed out beyond belief. He didn’t have to worry about all this before, and while he may have spent years resenting his father for leaving, he secretly wished that he’d walk out the door and leave them once again.

 

* * *

 

 

Roy’s eyes widened slightly at the request, but he saw the clear reasoning behind it. At least the reasoning that Ed fabricated.

“Of course, I understand that. I think it’s admirable that you’re helping your father out.”

Ed felt his stomach drop as soon as Mustang said those words. His heart hammered in his chest, and the room all of a sudden felt three sizes too small. Hoenheim might be his father, but he’d never be his _father._

Ed’s teeth grit together and his eyes were ablaze in golden fury.

“Don’t call him that,” He snapped viciously, glaring at Mustang from underneath his messy bangs.

Roy stiffened at the sudden change in behavior. Ed was usually unpredictable but the sudden wave of violent anger that stemmed out from the small boy was frightening and surprising.

“What? He’s your father is he not?” Roy tested the waters, curious as to why Ed was providing such an aggressive attitude.

Ed jolted to his feet, stomping over to Mustang’s desk. His leg burned and his automail was stiff but the white-hot anger drove him forward without hesitation. He slammed his hands down on the desk, part in dramatic anger and part in desperately needing support to stay standing on his bad leg.

“Don’t… don’t _ever_ fucking call him that again.”

Ed’s golden eyes bore into Mustang’s dark ones, and Mustang was taken aback by the pure hatred stemming from them. Normally he’d take the moment to make a short comment or poke fun at the alchemist, but some part of him realized that Ed was being genuine.

“Understood,” He muttered, grabbing a manila case file from a corner of his desk and glancing through it. “Give me a minute to find something for you. I’d be more prepared but I wasn’t planning on you being extra-picky.”

Ed stood frozen for a minute, before he nodded and took a few steps backward. He was more relieved about not leaving Al alone than to pester Mustang about the rude comment. His leg screamed for a rest, but he didn’t dare sit down again and seem weak.

Roy skimmed through current files, looking for something in Central that Edward would work well for. He was still shaken from the boy’s unexpected fury and sensitivity towards the mention of Hoenheim. It was giving him second thoughts on signing the release forms, and he was questioning everything.

If Ed was still so angered with Hoenheim, why did he agree to move in with him?

Why did he spend a month in Resembool?

Why did Hoenheim move to Central?

However, Roy could also see from the corner of his eye how unsteady Fullmetal was on his feet. His body was tense, and he seemed to barely be putting any weight on his automail leg. The boy’s face was slightly pale, and he seemed to be shaking just slightly.

Of course, Roy also knew Ed, and that if he was in pain or not feeling 100%, he’d be dammed if he let anyone knew.

“There’s been some trouble with the drain system downtown, all the heavy rains we’ve been getting lately have revealed some problems with the foundation and piping. Normally this isn’t something the military would take any interest in, but having a skilled alchemist step in and fix the situation would save a lot of time and money, and it would reflect the state really well,” Roy explained, handing the file over to Ed who gingerly took it from his grasp.

“You want me to act as a plumber? You do realize I’m a state alchemist, right?” Ed scoffed. “I get not wanting to waste time but this is child’s work.”

“Last I checked Fullmetal you _were_ a child,” Roy smirked. Ed rolled his eyes and huffed at the man.

“Besides, the piping system has five different outputs that would need updating. That’s a lot to take care of with normal construction crews, having you there to help would free them up to take care of some of these houses that have been water-damaged.”

Ed groaned, and started to hand the case file back to Mustang. It’d be easy work, but he was a state alchemist for crying out loud, doing small work like this was just patronizing.

“There’s not much else for me to give you, Fullmetal. Either you help out with the flooding, or you’re on the next train to catch that rogue alchemist. I know you have plenty of research to do, and while I don’t have any new leads, you’re welcome to take a few days to research,” Roy told him, pausing on a certain memory that floated into his mind.

“Although actually, a couple weeks ago _you_ were the one who told me to, and I quote: _give you more jobs so you could get the fuck out of the rainy season in central since it makes your automail act up, not that a bastard like me would understand.”_

Roy smirked at the memory, and continued to revel in his power over Fullmetal as the young alchemist glared at him from where he was standing.

He quickly seized the paper back and tucked it away into his jacket.

“Yeah yeah, I remember. It’s fine, I’ll fix the damn sewers,” Ed scoffed. He remembered the phone call distinctly.

 

* * *

 

 

Roy had called him a couple of weeks into his stay in Resembool, asking when he was going to be back so he could gauge what kind of workload to have ready for him. It was partly a joke, and Mustang being an ass per usual, but he _had_ needed to know their planned return. Ed had yelled at him about it, telling him he’d _better_ have jobs for them to do when he got back. With how their visit had been going for the past couple of weeks, Ed knew he’d need any excuse possible to stay out of the house.

Research just wouldn’t cut it. Ed had desperately wanted to dive into some old reports and continue the search for the stone, but he knew Hoenheim would demand to see what he was working on, and if he told him it was mere research, he’d make him do it from home.

Of course, Ed would weasel his way around that if he could, but thinking back to a certain day-trip he took back in Resembool had him hesitant to try anything.

 

* * *

 

 

_Winry had asked if Ed would help her fix up some old parts that had eroded and been tucked away. It would be easy alchemic work, and Ed was more than happy to spend time out of the inn and away from Hoenheim. He had told Hoenheim about it, and gotten the permission he needed to go to the Rockbells (like he ever needed permission before)._

_He spent most of the morning with Winry helping out, but she had a lot of orders to catch up on so when they were done, he made to head back home. Strolling through town towards the inn, Ed remembered seeing the new bakery some old family friends had opened, and had decided to stop in. He’d been asking Hoenheim for days if he could go, but was shot down viciously every time for reasons he was too afraid to ask about. As he had sat there munching on the pastry he had purchased, he was content and smug over the fact that what Hoenheim didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him._

_Hoenheim knew._

_Ed had walked through the front door, careful not to slam it as per one of their first altercations. He quickly slid his coat off and hung the red garment on the rack near the door before making his way to find Al. He had walked through the hallway to find him, running into Hoenheim on the way, almost literally. He hadn’t noticed him standing there._

_“You were at Winry’s for a while, I thought you were just fixing old parts?” He had asked, bearing down over him._

_“Yeah, but we got to talking and it took a little longer than we thought. I didn’t think it’d be worth it to phone over,” Ed retorted, not really wanting to have to explain his every move to his so-called-father._

_“But it was worth it to go to that bakery in-town, even though I’ve told you not to?” Hoenheim snapped._

_Ed had been lost for a moment, unsure of how to react or what to say._

_“H-how-“_

_“I stepped outside to pick up a few groceries, and you can say I was surprised to see you hanging out there when you were supposed to be returning from Winry’s. You’re lucky I was considerate enough to save this talk for now, as opposed to walking in and talking to you then.”_

_Ed scoffed at that._

_“Considerate? Yeah right, if you’d come in there and made a fuss about something as stupid as me eating a pastry it’d be more embarrassing for you.”_

_This had clearly been the wrong thing to say, as Hoenheim had strode over to where Ed was standing, and grabbed the collar of his shirt tightly. He snarled down at him as he lifted him ever so slightly off the ground._

_“You will watch your tone around me,” He growled. “Or you will not be allowed to return to the Rockbells for anything other than needed repairs.”_

_Ed’s eyes grew wide and his stomach churned._

_“You can’t do that-“_

_“I’m your father I can do as I please. I want you to tell me when you’re going out, and I want you to be honest with me. If I think you’re being dishonest there will be a price to pay, do you understand?”_

_Ed had nodded quietly, before squirming slightly._

_“Why didn’t you want me to go there anyways? We’ve known that family for forever, and they’re nice people. It’s a really good bakery, they’re skilled at what they do. There’s no reason to not let Al and I eat over there,” Ed piped up, wanting to understand his “father’s” motives._

_“Bakeries are expensive, and unhealthy. Unless you’ve done something to deserve getting something nice like that, there’s no reason for you to be wasting our money on it. Last I checked, you didn’t do anything to justify it,” Hoenheim snapped, his fingers tightening on Ed’s collar._

_“We’re moving to Central in two weeks. Do you understand how costly that is? I’m doing you boys a favor in paying for you and providing for you, so for you to go out without asking and waste my good deed - it’s sickening.”_

_Ed rolled his eyes (wrong move)._

_“I wasn’t wasting shit, I’m a state alchemist. I make my own salary and the military pays for a lot of what we do. I didn’t spend one penny of yours’ so don’t you worry about that,” Ed argued back._

_Hoenheim pushed Edward back so that his neck was pressed against the wall. The moment was very similar to the door argument they’d had a few days prior, and the similarity made Ed shudder._

_“What makes you think you can run around and spend the military’s money on pastries and shit whenever you want? You don’t deserve to do whatever you want, and you don’t deserve to waste the military’s resources on stupid shit like that. You’re being a selfish brat. If you’re going to be so damn cocky about the money you make it had better at least go to something worthwhile,” Hoenheim sneered._

_“From now on, you can pay rent, how about that?”_

_Ed had gaped at him, eyes growing wide. Pay rent? Hoenheim had come into their life, nearly demanding to take back his place as their parent, and now was going to make Ed pay rent? It was absurd, and Ed would have put up more of a fight but truth be told, he was scared to._

_“It’s the least you can do to pay back my generosity for taking care of the two of you. You’re lucky you have me to watch out for you, that’s not something that comes easily and it’s not something that should be taken lightly. Paying rent is the least you can do to help out and actually contribute to anything worthwhile.”_

_Hoenheim had calmed down slightly upon this realization, finally letting go of Ed’s shirt and taking a few steps back._

_“From now on you’re going to tell me where you’re going. You will be completely honest, and if something changes you will call. As consolidation for my kind-heart and the financial and physical effort I’m putting in to manage you and your brother, you will pay rent to me twice a month. You will not return to that bakery without expressed permission, and until rent is paid you will not make any frivolous purchases,” Hoenheim stated, seemingly pleased with the rules he was determined to set down._

_Ed had simply stared in shock, unsure of what to say. The rules were absurd, extreme, and completely unwarranted. He had stopped in for a quick snack for god’s sake, with money he had rightfully earned and worked towards._

_However, Hoenheim’s words weaseled their way into his head and he wondered if he was being selfish and entitled._

_“Do you understand?” Hoenheim demanded, eyes still glaring at Ed’s over the rim of his glasses._

_“Yes,” Ed muttered, hanging his head with the shame of having to relent to the older man. The rules were ridiculous, but if they kept Hoenheim from getting mad at him and Al, they’d be worth it._

_At least, that’s what he had thought._

 

* * *

 

 

Ed shook his head at the memory before glancing back up at Mustang, who was watching him carefully.

“Did you need something?” Ed asked, raising an eyebrow at the dark-haired man.

“I’ve been trying to get your attention for the past few minutes,” He stated.

“Oh.”

Ed hadn’t realized he’d zoned out so much. It had been becoming a more present problem, he noticed. Either it was the lack of food, lack of sleep, or some other reason, but Ed had found himself having a harder and harder time paying attention to things. It was so easy to let his mind drift and escape from the current reality.

He probably should have been more worried about it than he was, but he chalked it up to being tired.

“I was asking you when you wanted to head out to the sites, I can have a car ready to take you,” Mustang supplied to the still-semi-unfocused blonde.

“Oh,” Ed repeated. His mind was still reeling from the memories he had been thinking on, and his body was aching with exhaustion and the lack of sustainable food. The longer he stood, the more he became aware of how _off_ he felt. How his vision seemed to waver ever so slightly, and how his legs were shaking with the effort of standing still for so long.

Since when had he started feeling _so bad?_

“Is everything alright Fullmetal? If you aren’t going to pay attention you should stop wasting my time,” Roy snapped. He was mostly getting frustrated at the lack of response, but part of him was growing concerned. One moment the boy was furiously angry about Roy’s choice of words, and the next he was silent and zoning out. It was too much to keep up with, and Roy could feel a slight headache coming on.

“Yeah it’s fine,” Ed grumbled. His head ached with the sharpness in Roy’s voice, and the bright lights of the military room weren’t helping. He had to have been really deep in his thoughts to have been able to tune out how _awful_ he felt, because now that he was back in reality he felt like shit.

“If everything’s fine, then you are dismissed Fullmetal. If you need a car to drive you to the locations you know how to procure one. I have work to do, so please excuse yourself,” Roy stated, motioning to the door.

He was ready to be done with their time together. Edward’s mood swings and weird attitudes were wearing him out. Now that he wasn’t as worried about something being wrong, and was chalking it up to Ed being a pissy teenager, his prior concern was quickly overthrown with irritation.

“Yeah ok,” Ed muttered. If Roy had any malice in his voice it went unnoticed by the alchemist, who was more preoccupied with keeping his vision steady and legs from collapsing under him.

Shaking his head slightly, only to wince at the pain it brought, Ed swiveled around to make his way to the door. He was ready to head down to the cafeteria and get some food in him.

However, despite desperately wanting food, his body had other ideas. Ed took a step forward before his knees wavered, and he had to quickly lean to grip the edge of the coffee table in the middle of the room.

Roy watched as Ed gripped the table tightly after a shaky turn, slowly getting out of his chair to help.

“Fullmetal, are you alright?”

Ed swung his head around to look at Mustang, and caught his eyes briefly. His vision was growing more and more blurry by the second, and he opened his mouth to say something before it faded to white all together.

Roy watched Ed struggle to make eye contact with him, his face seemingly getting paler. Before Roy could register what was happening, Ed’s eyes rolled back into his head and he keeled forward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for being patient with me as I got this next chapter out. I've been busy and out of town so I wasn't able to write as much as I'd have liked. I have really big plans for the rest of this, and am excited to see where it goes! It takes me a good bit to write each chapter, I'm spending a lot of time making sure it's well-written, edited thoroughly, and connects to the main story line I have planned out. With that said, I greatly appreciate all the support I've received so far and all the patience. I'll try to have a chapter out every 1-2 weeks! 
> 
> Thank you again for all your comments and kudos, they make my heart happy! And are super motivating!


	3. Assigning Blame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mustang and Hawkeye only continue to grow more concerned as things don't seem to be looking up for Ed. However, the day has only just begun and things are only set to get worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A huge thank you to everyone who's left comments and kudos!! You guys keep me motivated and working as hard as I can. Thank you as well for being patient while I worked on this chapter, it's a long one!
> 
> As always, trigger warning for language, graphic content, and sensitive material.

Mustang lurched forward just as Ed’s body hit the carpet with a soft thud. Kneeling, he rolled Ed over and quickly pressed two fingers to the pale boy’s neck, feeling for a pulse. It was there, albeit a little quick for someone who had merely been standing for a while. The blond’s skin held a faint warmth to it as well, most likely the beginnings of a low-grade fever.

Roy glanced up at Ed’s forehead, which was red from hitting the ground. He didn’t think Ed would have a concussion or anything, but it would probably be sore later.

Just as Roy was about to get up and call a medic in, Ed’s eyes opened slowly, and he glanced around in a confused daze.

“What happened?”

 

 

* * *

 

 

Ed blinked wearily up at the ceiling as his surroundings began to make sense to him and his vision became less blurry. He was laying on the carpet in Mustang’s office, which was weird - considering he was pretty sure he’d been on his way out.

Ed glanced around, confused, before he settled on Mustang’s concerned gaze. Roy was kneeling and facing him, but looked seconds away from bolting to the door.

“What happened?” Ed asked, wincing at the slight shakiness in his voice.

“You fainted in my office,” Roy explained, “Your heart rate was elevated, and you seem to have a low fever.”

Ed scrunched his eyebrows together at the details Mustang provided. He’d _fainted?_ In Mustang’s office? He’d be more embarrassed if he wasn’t so distracted by how shitty he was feeling, and the gap in his memory, though the fever Roy mentioned was news to him.

“Can I help you sit up?” Roy asked hesitantly, watching as the alchemist seemed to start zoning out once more. His prior dismissal of a concussion was being altered; Ed’s confusion and distant look were leading him to believe otherwise.

Ed sighed and turned his head so he was facing the ceiling once more, wincing as the bright lights assaulted his already sore head. His throat felt dry, and his limbs felt weak and flaky. However, having embarrassed himself enough, Ed wasn’t about to rely on the Colonel for help.

Taking a deep breath, Ed propped himself up on his elbows and from there managed to quickly push himself into a sitting position. _Too_ quickly. His head spun and he opened his mouth in surprise as the room seemed to swirl together into a sickening blend of color.

Roy watched Ed sit himself up without answering the question he’d asked, though he couldn’t say he was surprised at that. However, he was surprised when the boy suddenly tilted forward, his eyes seeming to glaze over.

“Hey, hey take it slow, don’t you go passing out on me again,” Roy snapped, trying to keep Ed’s focus. He quickly caught Ed’s shoulders and pressed him back so that he was leaning against the coffee table for support. It probably wasn’t too kind on his back, but he had greater concerns at the moment.

He waited until Ed seemed to stabilize before leaning back and taking a deep breath.

“Do you know where you are?” Roy asked, worriedly.

“I’m with you, bastard, in your office,” Ed grumbled half-heartedly.

“What’s your name?” Roy questioned.

Ed gave him a look, “I prefer Ed, but you prefer Fullmetal. How am I supposed to know which one you want?”

Roy rolled his eyes at this, concussion removed from his list of pressing worries.

“Just had to check. I’m going to get a medic in here to look you over and-“

“No! No, I don’t need a medic,” Ed was quick to interrupt. He knew the only reason he’d... _fainted_ …in Mustang’s office was because he hadn’t eaten and his automail had left him on empty. No reason to get the full check-up for something as simple as that.

“I’m ok, really. I didn’t sleep well last night, and forgot to eat dinner yesterday so I’m just a little tired. As soon as I get lunch I’ll be ok,” Ed attempted to reassure the skeptical man knelt in front of him.

“ _You_ forgot to eat dinner?” Roy perked an eyebrow at the statement. “ _You?_ You who could out-eat Havoc _and_ Breda combined?”

Ed scoffed at the comment, but his stomach churned with panic. How was he supposed to explain this one away? ‘I’m sorry, my so-called-father didn’t let me eat and it’s hard to sleep on an empty stomach’.

He couldn’t tell Roy about Hoenheim. Ed doubted Roy would believe him anyway, but even if he did, he was scared of how Hoenheim would react. His father was a powerful man, and if the military came to inspect his treatment of his children, Ed had no doubt Hoenheim would be able to put up a façade so good they’d only be angry with Ed for lying. And of course, that wouldn’t settle well with Hoenheim.

Ed shivered as he thought of what Hoenheim might do if that happened, and decided it most certainly needed to be avoided.

“I got busy ok? Unlike some people, I’m actually busy with work and get things done.”

Roy sighed in frustration. He was worried at first, and still was, but he was relieved that the alchemist seemed to be acting like his old self.

At least, as close to his old self as he could be after taking a nose-dive in his office just a few minutes ago.

“Fine Fullmetal. I’m going to get Lieutenant Hawkeye in here to stay with you while I run down to the cafeteria and get some food. Just stay put,” He stated plainly, standing up to leave.

“What?! No way! I can get food myself you don’t have to babysit me, I’m fine!” Ed argued back, shakily pushing himself to his feet to prove his point and get himself out of the office that now felt like it was trapping him.

He made a quick step forward before his vision swam once more, and his automail leg shot a sharp pain through his thigh at the sudden movement. If Roy hadn’t been there to grab him, and help lead him over to the couch, he most likely would have fallen again.

Scratch that.

He _would_ have fallen again.

“You’re clearly not fine, and I don’t want to get reports about you passing out in the hallway on the way down. That just makes more work for me, and you know how much I love work,” Roy smirked.

He really did hate paperwork, but his seemingly careless persona was just that. Roy was worried, and he didn’t want to see Fullmetal hurting himself by being reckless.

“Fine,” Ed snapped, turning away to look at the floor. His cheeks were bright pink with the embarrassment of being treated like a baby, but deep down he was relieved. He wasn’t sure he’d have made it to the cafeteria with how badly his leg was aching.

Ed kept his gaze trailed on the floor, listening to the office door open and close a couple times. He knew Hawkeye was standing to his side, watching him intently, but he didn’t want to look up and see her concern.

“Fullmetal? The Colonel told me you weren’t feeling well, would you like me to get some ice for your head?” Riza asked after walking in and watching the boy continue to stare at the carpet.

“I’m ok, thanks,” He muttered, doing little to shake Riza’s worry. She knew Ed didn’t like to show weakness, but his distant behavior had been getting increasingly more distant over the past couple of days.

“Can I at least look at your forehead? I want to make sure it doesn’t need bandaging,” Riza attempted. From what Roy had told her, she knew it wasn’t anything serious. However, she wanted to take proper stock of the child in front of her, something hard to do when said child was clearly ignoring her.

Ed grunted a soft reply and turned to look at her. She took note of the small circles under his eyes that she hadn’t noticed before, and the still pale complexion of his skin, before pretending to analyze the miniscule rug burn.

“I think it’s going to be ok,” She said with a small smile. “Just a small rug burn; it may ache tomorrow but it’s ok for right now.”

Ed nodded softly to her.

“Thanks,” He muttered, his tone genuine.

“If I may ask, Edward, skipping meals isn’t a healthy habit to pick up, but it usually takes many skipped meals to affect someone. Is there something you’re not telling us?” She asked softly.

Ed’s eyes widened and he shook his head frantically, flinching back when the motion made his already angry brain even more angry.

“No! No, it’s not like that, I just missed dinner that’s all,” Ed said quickly, holding his hands up in mock-surrender. “But with my automail, I need to keep a pretty steady diet to keep it functioning. It’s uh, it’s pretty taxing stuff.”

The pang of dread that had initially filled Riza dissipated at Ed’s response, and she allowed herself to relax slightly.

“I understand. Are you sure you don’t need to just, ‘get it moving’?” She asked coyly.

Ed’s face flushed slightly, and he averted his gaze.

“It’s ok Edward, I understand. Just please feel like you can talk to someone about these things. The Colonel would have understood you stopping by the cafeteria first as opposed to immediately coming in for your report, no matter how late you were,” She explained to him softly.

Ed nodded, but his chest constricted with guilt. He so desperately wanted to talk to them, plead to them to force Hoenheim to leave Central and put him and Al back in the military barracks. He so desperately wanted to tell them how angry Hoenheim got, how mean he could be.

But he couldn’t.

He couldn’t do that to Al, who was elated to have a father again. Al, who was too young to understand that Hoenheim had abandoned them initially, too young to harbor resentment for the man.

He couldn’t do it to himself either, he didn’t want to admit it but Hoenheim scared him. His unpredictability and potentially violent nature were incredibly unnerving, and Ed worried what would happen.

He also couldn’t do it to Mustang or Hawkeye. A small part of him had latched onto what Hoenheim had said, about how Ed only wasted the military’s money. He didn’t need to waste their time and resources too.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Ed must have lost himself in his thoughts again, because the next thing he knew the smell of cafeteria food was wafting through the door, Mustang following soon after.

“Thank you Lieutenant. Fullmetal, this one is yours,” Roy set the plate down on the coffee table in front of him, moving to sit across from him with one of his own. Ed glanced at him, unsure as to why the Colonel was casually sitting down to lunch with him.

“What are you doing?” Ed questioned.

“…I’m eating?” Roy cocked his head warily, unsure as to what the alchemist in front of him was getting at.

“No, what are you doing with me? Why are you suddenly being so nice, and helping me out? I’m just a dog to you,” Ed pondered.

Mustang was taken aback for a moment, before quickly regaining his composure.

“I care about all of my subordinates, Fullmetal. That includes you. Don’t forget, you’re still under my legal care, it’s my job to watch out for you and your brother. Speaking of which, where is Al? He usually comes in with you,” Roy asked.

“He…I left him at home. He had some stuff he wanted to take care of with Hoenheim and I figured he didn’t need to walk all the way over here just to report in with me. He’s not military anyways,” Ed lied carefully. He wasn’t about to tell Mustang he was too scared of walking past Hoenheim to ask Al if he wanted to come, much less say goodbye before he left for the day.

“I see. You walked all the way over here on an empty stomach? Why didn’t you stop in somewhere on your way? You were already late, and if you were feeling so bad you should have eaten sooner.”

Ed blanched, not expecting that kind of a question.

“What’s it matter to you?” He snapped defensively. “I was in a rush, I knew if I made you wait any longer I’d never hear the end of it.”

_If I stopped somewhere and spent money on food Hoenheim might never let me have dinner again._

Roy sighed and set his fork down. “Despite whatever ideas seem to be floating around in that small head of yours, I do actually care for my subordinates’ wellbeing. I’m not completely unreasonable.”

Ed scoffed at that. “Maybe not always,” He muttered under his breath, ignoring the comment about the size of his brain.

If Mustang heard him, he made no show of it, instead continuing to eat the food he’d brought up.

Ed couldn’t lie, his stomach was so blissfully happy to have a warm meal, and his limbs seemed to regain their steadiness the more he shoveled down. Once he was done, he leaned back against the couch, satisfied. He was still exhausted, and he’d need to eat dinner later for certain, but he felt light years better than he had when he’d walked into the office originally.

“If you’re looking to take a nap, a bed would do much better,” Roy smirked at Ed, who seemed minutes away from dozing off.

The subject in question snapped his eyes open and glared at Mustang.

“I’m not taking a nap,” He muttered. “Just waiting a minute before I head out to fulfill my duties as the Fullmetal Alchemist: Alchemist to the People and now, local plumber.”

“Sure you are, but after that minute you’re heading home. I already had the Lieutenant secure a car to take you.”

Ed jolted up at that, pleased to realize his vision didn’t swim with the effort, though his head still ached something terrible.

“What?! You can’t just decide that Bastard, I’m fine to work. I was just hungry, and I ate. There, everything is fixed so now I can go fix the stupid drains.”

Before Ed could continue his argument Roy had slipped a glove off and leaned across the table, slapping a hand to Ed’s forehead.

“That’s still a fever,” Roy stated. “You’re going home.”

Ed grit his teeth together and glared at Roy with as much anger as he could muster.

Considering how drained he still felt, it wasn’t much, and it did little to phase the Colonel sitting in front of him, casually eating a lunch much earlier than he normally would.

“You wanted me to fix the damn drains, so I’ll fix the damn drains. What happened to the ‘I’ll send you out on the first train’ for that stupid rogue alchemist bullshit?” Ed argued, though his exhaustion wasn’t helping him make a very good case for himself.

“That was before I realized you weren’t taking proper care of yourself. If you aren’t going to look after yourself, I’m not going to continue to assign you missions. Besides, this is just a construction job. It can wait another day while you take it easy, before you push yourself to a point that’d be a lot harder to come back from,” Roy explained calmly, which was unusual for him.

Ed bit his lip and averted his eyes. He didn’t want to admit it, but he knew Mustang was right. If he went out and did that job, there’s no telling how it would end up. He’d either botch the alchemy, or more likely, hurt himself in the process.

Still, he had one more option.

“What if Al-“

“You’re going home. That’s an order, end of discussion.” Roy snapped. He stood, extending a re-gloved hand to Edward, who looked at it with frustration.

“Fine.”

Ed turned and pushed himself to his feet, pointedly ignoring Mustang’s attempt to help. His leg was feeling better than it had, after sitting down for a little and getting some food, but it still hurt enough to give him a slight limp.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Lieutenant Hawkeye was standing by the door, waiting. She gave Ed a sympathetic glance that he nodded to as he brushed past her and towards the front of the building, exiting Mustang’s office.

“I want a full status report after you drop him off, Lieutenant.”

 “Of course sir, I’ll see to it.”

“And Riza?”

Riza paused and turned back from her pursuit of the young alchemist to meet Roy’s eyes. He was stoic, but she could tell he was concerned for the boy’s wellbeing.

“Please, look after him. Something’s not right, something he’s not telling us. I don’t expect him to talk about it but just…look after him,” Roy asked.

Riza smiled warmly at him.

“Of course Roy, I’ll keep him in my sights,” She turned to catch up to Ed. “But he’s going to need you too. Someone to lean on. I know he has Hoenheim back, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still be someone he can trust in and rely on.”

She paused for a moment.

“We’re a team after all.”

With that Riza quickly made her way through the hallway, a little bit discouraged when she caught up to Ed rather soon. He was usually hard to keep up with, always on the move, always moving like he was running out of time.

Although, she supposed there was some truth to that matter. At least in his eyes. After all, everyone knew binding a soul to an object only bought so much time.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Roy watched her go, before slinking back through his office to take a seat at his desk. Running a hand through his hair, he let out a deep sigh. The day had only just started, and he was already drained from the morning’s events. Seeing Fullmetal splayed out on the carpet, not knowing what was going on, it was unnerving.

What he really wanted was to take a swig from the whiskey he had stored in his desk for late nights, and to curl up to take a long nap. However, the stack of paperwork Riza had left him this morning was calling his name, unfortunately. He’d been getting his work done faster and more efficiently – working under stress was apparently good to him – but there never seemed to be a shortage of things to get done.

Sliding the file for the drains that Edward had left on the floor into the top drawer of his desk, he pulled out his pen and got to work.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The car ride to Ed’s, no scratch that, _Hoenheim’s_ house, was quiet and awkward. Ed leaned his head against the glass and watched absentmindedly as the streets of Central flew by in a dazing blur.

Riza glanced at him from time to time; Edward could tell she was concerned at his silence and disposition, but he couldn’t bring himself to make idle chatter. Not when his heart was pounding in his chest, and his throat seemed to clench up every time he took a shaky breath.

Hoenheim was going to be so angry.

Between him being sent home, and the military showing up at the house (though not for the reasons Ed wished they were there), Hoenheim was bound to be furious.

As they got closer and closer to the house, Ed’s breathing was steadily gaining speed. His leg bounced incessantly, and he clenched and unclenched his hands repeatedly.

“Are you alright Edward?” Riza’s voice broke him out of his thoughts and he shot her a glance.

“I’m fine,” He muttered, looking away.

Riza hummed a response, but didn’t press the matter any further. They arrived shortly, and she opened the door for him as he slunk out of the vehicle. His hands were shoved into his pockets as he continued to mess with them, and he kept his eyes trailed to the ground.

Riza followed closely behind him as they made their way up to the front door. She expected Ed to pull out keys, or let himself in, and was a bit confused when he knocked and waited.

Ed didn’t dare explain to Riza that Hoenheim wouldn’t give him a key, this being _his_ house and not Ed’s. Ed wasn’t deserving of one, and Hoenheim didn’t trust him with it.

Heavy footsteps made their way to the door, and Ed tensed up, nervously awaiting the expected outcome.

Riza watched as Ed grew tense, his body locking up. This only added to her confusion, and it didn’t leave her with a very pleasant feeling in her gut. However, she chalked it up to being embarrassed about being sent home. He didn’t use to have anyone to report to when coming home, so having a father in his life again must be hard to adapt to.

The door opened, and Hoenheim stepped through. His appearance surprised Riza, the way his glasses sat atop his nose, protecting a set of kind looking eyes. Bright golden hair was tied back in a loose ponytail.

“Edward, I didn’t expect to see you home so soon,” He stated, a gentle sounding voice.

Hawkeye wasn’t sure what she had expected, but after hearing Ed’s tales of a cold man who abandoned his family, this was the furthest thing from her mind. He seemed like a decent guy, who was trying hard to be a decent father. At least, this was her first impression.

Hoenheim looked up at her, nodded his head slightly. He took notice of her uniform and was quick to extend a hand, which Riza shook slowly.

“Lieutenant, it’s a pleasure to meet you. What can I help you with today? Has my son been causing you trouble?” He chuckled lightly.

“Hoenheim, sir, your son has a low-grade fever and passed out after reporting with Colonel Mustang. He has strict orders to stay home and rest for the day, and is to report back to Central tomorrow morning, only should his condition improve. He also needs to make sure he remembers dinner tonight,” She said with a pointed glance at Ed, who was picking at his nails nervously, standing as far from Hoenheim as he could without making it seem awkward.

“Of course,” Hoenheim smiled at her. He turned to look at Edward. “I’ll make sure he stays in bed for the rest of the day.”

Ed gulped nervously. He knew it was Hoenheim’s way of getting past Riza’s soul-seeing gaze, but the words only sounded like a warning to him. A warning that as soon as Riza left, he was in for a world of trouble.

“Thank you, sir, that will be all,” Riza nodded to him.

“Thank you for seeing that he got home safely, and for taking care of him. It’s nice to know he has people out there looking after him,” Hoenheim said, and Ed felt his stomach flip.

Fake, it was all fake, and he knew it. But the charming words seemed to appease the Lieutenant, who only smiled and turned to Ed.

“Mustang wants you to report in at 10:00am tomorrow, if you’re feeling better. He still has your case file for the job for tomorrow,” Riza explained to him. She turned and headed back to the car.

“Take care of yourself Edward.”

Ed watched as her car moved away, his heart aching to be sitting next to her once more, driving far away from here.

Suddenly Hoenheim’s hand was on his shoulder, the touch jolting him out of his daydreams, almost as if it burnt. Ed couldn’t help the jump he did.

“Inside, now.”

Ed was quick to comply and he made his way inside, wincing as the door shut behind him, trapping him in.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Metal creaked as Al bounded over, and Ed quickly put on a fake smile for his brother.

“Ed! I missed you this morning, you were running late again weren’t you,” Al chuckled. Ed only nodded sheepishly.

“You know me Al.”

“Did the Colonel not have any work for you? Why are you home so early? If you wanted to do research with me, you could have called, instead of making the trip all the way over here.”

“I-“

“Ed’s not feeling well, so the Colonel sent him home to rest.”

Hoenheim’s presence was suffocating to Ed, but Al seemed at ease with the man.

“What? You’re _sick_?! Are you ok? What happened? You should go rest, here let me help-“

“Geez relax Al,” Ed chuckled lightly, “I’m fine just didn’t sleep well. I’ll head upstairs to rest and be back down for dinner.”

Al huffed in frustration as his brother brushed him off again. He’d been doing that more and more lately, and it was starting to rub Al the wrong way. Was there something he wasn’t telling him?

However, seeing the bags under Ed’s eyes and how utterly exhausted he looked, he decided to let it go. Ed needed rest more than he needed an intervention.

“If you say so, brother. If you need anything I’m here to help!” Al reassured him.

“Heh, thanks Al. I appreciate it, but don’t worry about me I’ll be fine. I know Hoenheim needs your help around the house anyway, you guys are almost done moving everything in,” Ed muttered.

“I’m never too busy for you though Ed, so let me know if you need anything.”

Al would have frowned if he were able; he still didn’t understand why Ed refused to call Hoenheim ‘father’, especially after all he’d done for them. Al figured it was still just past resentment, or maybe Ed was just nervous about it. Regardless, Al made a note to talk to him about it later, when he was feeling better.

“I think it’s time he heads upstairs to rest, why don’t you head up Edward?” Hoenheim glanced at him, and Ed knew it was not a request but a demand. “I’ll bring up some soup for you once you get comfortable.”

Ed nodded, and made his way into his ‘interrogation room’ as he chose to call it for the moment. His leg was sore, his shoulder was sore, and his head still hurt like a bitch, but he didn’t dare make a sound as he sat on the edge of his bed, and waited.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

He heard Al and Hoenheim chatting about something downstairs, no doubt Hoenheim was giving Al something to do to keep him busy. What Ed didn’t expect was the sound of the front door, and Al’s metal clinking dissipating as soon as it was shut.

Fear bubbled up inside him, and his eyes grew wide as Hoenheim made his way up the steps. His footsteps were slow and menacing, as he trudged up the wooden staircase.

Ed tried and failed to control his breathing as it only picked up the moment Hoenheim stepped into the room.

“Stand up.”

Ed’s body moved without him and he stood quickly.

“Why are you here?”

Ed continued to stare at the floor, “I was sent home.” _You know that,_ he wanted to add.

Hoenheim advanced swiftly and grabbed Ed’s face, jerking it up so that Ed’s eyes met his.

“You look at me when you’re talking to me,” He snarled. “Why are you here?”

“I said I was sent home, you heard it from the Lieutenant herself, would she lie to you?” Ed challenged nervously.

Hoenheim grunted in contentment. “Watch your tone with me,” He snapped. “You were sent home because you were weak, is the answer I was looking for.”

Ed opened his mouth to defend himself but Hoenheim quickly cut him off.

“You couldn’t take your punishment for one day before giving up; you’re nothing but a weak puppy. The military was wrong to hire you to be their dog.”

“My automail,” Ed huffed, the fingers holding his jaw were tight and Ed feared they would leave a bruise. “It drains my body, I need to eat to keep it functioning.”

Hoenheim sighed, releasing Ed from his grasp to pace, lost in thought. Ed brought his flesh hand up to rub at the skin gently.

“Fine. You will eat only as much as you need to get by, nothing more,” Hoenheim stated, his words final.

Ed flinched at the harsh tone but was grateful his father at least saw enough reason to stop withholding meals from him.

“However, you still need to be punished.”

Ed’s eyes widened and any words he had intended to say were lost in his throat.

“You wasted the military’s time in making them drive you home, you wasted their money. I know the military isn’t going to be quick to punish you for their lost resources, so I guess the job falls to me,” Hoenheim turned to Ed, sending a burst of cold through his body. His automail leg shook, with fear or exhaustion he wasn’t sure.

“Is that why you sent Al away?” Ed asked shakily.

“Smart boy,” Hoenheim nodded to him. “I didn’t think you wanted him to have to hear anything that would upset him. I doubt he wants to learn how much of a failure his brother is.”

Ed gulped at that, his hands curling into tight fists.

“Why are you doing this?”

Hoenheim paused at that, and gave Ed a quizzical look.

“Why are you treating me so poorly? What did I ever do to you?!” Ed snapped, fear making him desperate.

Hoenheim stepped closer, the tall man towering over Ed as he backed him up until his legs hit the edge of the bed.

“It’s your fault,” He growled, eyes wide with anger. “I left Trisha with you, and when I returned she had died and you were off in Central fucking around. Pinako told me what happened, how you brought her back only for her to suffer even more and slip away once again.”

Ed was crying at this point, the painful memories and the harsh blame quickly overtaking his weak composure.

“I-I didn’t kill her, I, we tried to-“

“You brought her _back!_ You made her suffer even more! You may not have killed her the first time but her blood is still on your hands!” Hoenheim was shouting now, blazing with anger.

“And to top that off, you got your brother killed! He’s a hollow fucking _suit of armor_ for Christ’s sake, all because of your selfish needs and idiocracy!” Hoenheim screamed.

Ed said nothing, the only reason he held eye contact with Hoenheim is that he feared the consequences should he not.

“The _only_ reason I’m providing for you and taking care of you is because I know Al would be devastated if I didn’t let you live here. You don’t deserve this, you don’t deserve to be treated like a normal human being after what you did to your mother and Alphonse,” Hoenheim growled. “You make me sick.”

“I-I didn’t know! I didn’t mean to hurt Al, I didn’t…I didn’t want to hurt him! I didn’t know what would happen!” Ed pleaded.

“You…you should have been there! You could have taught us! The only reason we tried to bring Mom back is because we didn’t want to be left alone, especially since you’d already left us!”

Ed heard the slap before he felt it, as Hoenheim whipped around and brought a hand against his cheek harshly. Ed’s head whipped to the left as his voice died out.

“How _dare_ you try and pin this on me, this is _not_ my fault. The _only_ one here to blame for what happened is _you!”_ Hoenheim screeched, punching Ed swiftly in the stomach. Ed crumpled to the floor, clutching his stomach with desperation.

It hurt, he hurt. Tears flowed freely down his face at the horror of the situation. He had expected Hoenheim to scream at him, call him names, give him more rules. The last thing he had expected was for him to get so physical.

Yet some part of Ed knew what Hoenheim was saying was the truth. It was his fault Al was stuck in that damned suit of armor, and his fault their Mom had suffered not once, but twice. That didn’t make it any easier to hear, however.

Seemingly satisfied, Hoenheim unclenched his fist and took a step back.

“Alphonse is at the store getting ingredients for soup. If you aren’t feeling up to joining us for dinner I’ll have him bring some up to you. You had better not still be on the floor if he does,” Hoenheim warned, before leaving the room.

Ed let out a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding, and struggled to lift himself off the floor. He made his way into bed shakily, curling up so that he faced away from the door.

Ed hugged the sheets around him to his chest, and let himself cry.


	4. Hopeful Future

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ed may not have been looking forward to doing minor construction work, but he was content things were seeming to look up, and that he had Al to lean on (literally). Bright golden eyes took on the day with eagerness and hope for the near future, as Ed and Al walked along the path.
> 
> However, another set of golden eyes peered at the two brothers from under glasses, cold hatred brewing inside their depths as the owner scowled with displeasure.
> 
> The future they saw ahead was the stark opposite of the other, and Ed would be all the oblivious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for being so patient with me! I haven't had as much time to write as I thought I would :( 
> 
> This chapter is still kind of slow, but I promise I'm just trying to set stuff up for the really exciting stuff that's coming soon (next chapter soon >:) )
> 
> As always, trigger warnings for mild language, reference to physical abuse, and vomiting (very short mention)

Alphonse hummed to himself as he made his way back home from picking up the ingredients. The sun was still arching over the busy streets of Central, and people were flocking through the streets as per usual. Cars rattled against the pavement, and children laughed and hollered from a park a block away.

It was a pleasant neighborhood; Al was grateful that Hohenheim had chosen such a friendly place to settle down. He couldn’t wait to get his body back, and explore the streets beside a newly restored Ed.

Making his way down the street, he fumbled around in the small coin bag Hohenheim had given him to pay for the needed supplies. Al slid out the silver key, and was about to walk up the steps to the house when he heard a tap on his shoulder.

Turning, Al glanced down at the woman who had been trying to get his attention. She was on the shorter side, with messy brown hair and striking amber eyes. She seemed to be in her late forties, and something about her reminded Al of his mother.

Al didn’t recognize her, though he was still new to the neighborhood and didn’t quite know everyone yet.

“Are you living in that house?” She asked him, her voice soft and friendly. Alphonse looked where she was pointing, and nodded.

“Yep! We just moved in, I’m Alphonse Elric. It’s a pleasure to meet you! I’d shake your hand but I seem to have my arms full,” Alphonse chattered joyfully.

“I’m Laura, I live in the house to your right with my daughter Erica,” She smiled, but her eyes were dark with concern. “Are you living with anyone else right now?”

It was an odd question, but she seemed friendly enough so Al brushed it off.

“My dad and brother and I all live together. My brother and I used to live a good few blocks from here but our dad just got this place and it’s been really nice!”

Laura nodded, bringing a hand to her mouth to chew on her nails nervously. Al wasn’t sure why she seemed so uneasy, and was starting to grow concerned.

“Alphonse, I don’t mean to pry but I was outside gardening earlier and I heard lots of shouting and loud noises coming from your house. Is everything alright?” She asked quietly, eyes darting up to look at Al’s.

Al was caught off guard for a moment, unsure as to how to respond to the seemingly out-of-the-blue question. It made sense why she was so nervous now, though it didn’t make Al feel any better to understand what she was implying. Hohenheim was strict sometimes, but he was doing his best to make up for lost time, and would _never_ be so aggressive with him or his brother.

“Oh, yes everything is more than okay! I’m sure you just heard my brother, he has quite a temper and can get pretty rowdy sometimes. I’ll be sure to let him know to keep it down now that we’re not in the barracks anymore,” Al reassured her, hoping she’d stop looking at him like he was a charity case. He couldn’t think of any other reason there’d be such a commotion from inside their house, and knowing Ed he was probably pitching a fit at having been sent home and assigned to bedrest.

Luckily, Laura seemed to calm down at that, and her eyes retained that friendly glow to them.

“Ah, I see. I’m sorry to jump to conclusions, I just got so worried for a moment there. I’m glad you all have moved in, I’m sure it will be nice to have such a lively family living in the neighborhood,” Laura chuckled, immensely relieved.

“You’re alright! I’m grateful you were looking out for us! I need to bring these groceries inside so my dad and I can get started on dinner, but it was nice meeting you!” Alphonse reassured her once more. She wished him well, and returned to her garden as Al made his way to the front door. Twisting the key in, he pried open the wooden door and made his way into the kitchen, shutting the entry quietly behind him in case Ed was actually resting.

 

* * *

 

 Hohenheim was seated at the kitchen table, nursing a cup of coffee and flipping through an old alchemic journal. He turned as Al walked into the room, smiling warmly at him.

“Alphonse, were you able to find everything alright?” He asked, standing to help Al sort through the groceries. Al nodded to him, and they set about to getting the soup started.

“I talked to one of our neighbors, her name is Laura. She said she heard a lot of yelling from inside here earlier, what happened?” Al questioned innocently, hoping that Ed hadn’t put up too much of a fight.

He remembered when Ed would get sick back when they were still in the barracks, and how hard it was to get him to lay down and take it easy. Al almost had to tie him to the bed a couple of times when he had the flu, just to get him to sleep through the day and let his body heal.

“Oh, I just stubbed my toe on the stairs when I went to check on your brother. I didn’t realize I had been quite that loud,” Hohenheim chuckled, though it seemed strained. “It sure hurt though!”

Al laughed with him, easily understanding the situation.

“That’s one thing I don’t miss, that’s for sure. I was just worried Ed had been grumpy about being on bedrest for the day,” Al added. “How is he doing?”

“Your brother will be just fine; when I went to check on him earlier, he was sound asleep, even after my toe incident,” Hohenheim stated absentmindedly as he chopped and measured the vegetables they’d been setting out.

Al nodded to him, but was a bit confused. Ed was never that easy to put down, not even when he had a 103-degree fever and could barely walk. Either Ed was more tired than he was letting on, or something else was up.

Turning on the stove and sliding a pot out from underneath the sink, Al started pouring the prepared vegetables into the steadily warming dish.

“Dad, do you mind finishing up here? I wanted to go check on Ed, make sure he’s still getting the rest he needs. I know he can be kind of grumpy about following orders, especially orders to sit and do nothing. That’s something he _really_ hates,” Al asked.

Hoenheim seemed to tense up slightly, but Alphonse didn’t think much of it.

“Of course Alphonse, I’ll call you down when the soup is ready and you can bring some up to your brother.”

Al nodded cheerfully and strode towards the stairs, eager to talk to his brother and get some of the missing details about what all had happened today, and why Ed was so keen on pushing Al away.

 

* * *

 

Ed groaned as he rolled over in bed, trying to shut his eyes and get some rest. His body ached, and he was exhausted, but every time he closed his eyes to sleep Hoenheim’s glaring golden eyes burned into his brain, and he was jolted awake.

Sighing with frustration, Ed continued to roll around the bed, determined to find a position so comfortable he wouldn’t have any choice but to fall asleep.

Easier said than done, of course, as his stomach and chest throbbed from where Hoenheim had decked him, and his cheek was still red and felt swollen, though Ed knew it probably wasn’t.

Ed had just shut his eyes to try and sleep again after a good few hours of failed attempts, when he heard the clanking of Al’s footsteps on the stairs. Ed sucked in a quick breath, panic flooding through his mind.

_Al couldn’t see him hurting like this, he’d only get concerned and ask questions that Ed couldn’t answer._

Ed grit his teeth and forced his breathing as slow as possible, turning so that his sore cheek was facing the bedspread and Al wouldn’t see it.

The door creaked open slowly, as Al cautiously peered inside. Once his soul-fire eyes found Ed’s silhouette in the slightly dark room, he made his way inside, sitting on the floor beside the bed.

“I guess Dad was right after all, you really are resting,” Al spoke aloud to himself. He was relieved to see Ed sleeping, and taking care of himself.

Ed bit his tongue, his throat feeling choked up as he strained to keep his breaths from coming any faster.

“I’m worried about you, brother,” Alphonse said with a sigh as he glanced down at his permanently gloved hands.

“I know there’s something you’re not telling me; I know you keep pushing me away and aren’t being completely honest with me. There’s something bothering you, and I wish you could tell me what it was. I just…I just want to help,” Al sniffled, the closest thing to crying he could manage.

“I don’t know why you refuse to call Hohenheim dad, and I don’t know why you’re keeping things from me. It’s not like you to leave without telling me where you were going, or invite me along. I…I don’t know if it’s something I did but I wish you could be more open with me. Maybe…maybe if you let me help, you wouldn’t end up getting sent home from work sick and tired,” Al sighed, standing slowly as to not disturb his brother.

“Please take care of yourself Ed…” He whispered softly, moving to pull the blanket that had been forgotten off the floor and draping it over Ed. “I’m always here for you, please, just let me be there and help.”

Feeling a little more relaxed after getting his thoughts out, even though Ed wasn’t awake to hear and respond, Al left the room and closed the door behind him gently. Maybe he’d try telling Ed some of the same things, once the soup was done and Ed was up for eating.

Once the door closed Ed let out the choked breaths he’d been holding back. Scrambling out of the bed and over to the bathroom, he shut the door behind him quietly, locking it. His stomach screamed with every movement but Ed was too panicked to care, desperately needing to hide away.

Ed all but collapsed in front of the porcelain bowl, gripping the edges sternly as he let out a choked sob. Tears fell freely from his face; be it from the exhaustion, Al’s words, or what he was going through, Ed didn’t know or care.

He thought he’d been doing an ok job keeping things to himself, but between Riza and Roy’s concerned glances, and Al realizing Ed was pushing him away, all Ed could hear was the resonant sound of failure echoing through his skull.

Hohenheim was right, he really had fucked everything up. And if he wasn’t careful, if Al, Hawkeye, and Mustang found out about what was going on, there was a good chance they’d get hurt too. Or, they wouldn’t believe him, and he’d get hurt more. With a whine, Ed realized the latter was much more plausible.

Snot and tears bled together in a steady stream that coated Ed’s cheeks and chin, as he struggled to take in a solid breath between the harsh cries. With every sob his stomach clenched tighter and tighter, and soon the emotional turmoil Ed felt from Al’s confessed words was tossed aside as the tears became a product of the immense pain he was in.

His mouth started to water slightly, and Ed had barely three seconds of warning before he was crouched over the bowl, losing the meager amount of food he’d managed to put down that day. Mustang’s generous lunch was soon gone, as his stomach angrily purged everything from within it.

Once his stomach seemed content, Ed hastily wiped his mouth with a rag from the bathtub sitting a few feet across the room from the toilet. His tears had dried up, and his breathing was slowly making its way back to a normal rate. Standing on shaky legs, he made his way over to the sink and rinsed his mouth from the foul taste.

Daring to glance up at himself, Ed would have been more shocked if he wasn’t so worn out. His skin was slightly paler than usual, but his reddened eyes from crying only made it seem even more drastic. His hair was dull, a result of him not having showered for the past couple days out of fear that he’d get yelled at for wasting water. Amidst the raw redness were dark circles that resided nearly permanently under Ed’s pale golden eyes, lacking any kind of emotion.

A sharp knock on the bathroom door startled Ed from his thoughts and he nearly fell, if it weren’t for the vice-like grip he held on the sink with his automail hand.

“Ed? I brought up your dinner.”

Edward’s blood ran cold as Hohenheim’s voice echoed through the room. He hadn’t heard the door open, hadn’t heard his footsteps to warn Ed of his presence.

“I-I’ll eat it later,” Ed managed to choke out.

“I’d really like it if you came out, I want to talk with you,” Hohenheim’s voice was softer than it had been in months, and Ed was frozen in confusion.

Was this a trick?

A façade put up so that Ed would let his guard down?

Ed wasn’t sure, but he also wasn’t sure what would happen if he refused Hohenheim’s request. Not daring to think of the possibility, Ed quickly unlocked the door and nervously stepped out into the room.

 

* * *

 

Hohenheim was holding a small tray, with a bowl of deliciously smelling soup and a slice of soft bread.

“Have a seat Edward,” Hohenheim smiled at him – it would have been a pleasant sight if it didn’t deeply concern Ed, making his stomach clench with nausea once more.

Ed took a seat on the bed, his eyes never leaving Hohenheim’s, who pulled a chair out from under Ed’s desk and sat down in it, placing the tray on the bedside table.

“Ed…I, I’m so sorry,” Hohenheim muttered, eyes peering out from under the glasses to meet Ed’s.

“I don’t know what came over me. I guess I’ve just been stressed with moving and trying to do things right for you boys after so many years. I…I never meant to hurt you, I…I didn’t mean to…to hit you. I lost control, I’m so incredibly sorry,” Hohenheim pleaded, his voice shaking.

Ed’s eyes widened in shock; this was the _last_ thing he expected from Hohenheim, and it was months late anyways.

“Are, are you being serious?” Ed scoffed, hesitant to readily take his “father’s” apology.

Hohenheim seemed hurt by that question, and hung his head.

“Of course I’m being serious,” He said. “I’m so sorry for what I did to you, I promise it will _never_ happen again.”

Ed took a minute to look him over, scrutinizing his every move. He seemed genuine, and for the first time in years Ed felt a pang of pity for the man. Maybe he really hadn’t meant to say those things to him, or to hurt him like he had.

Ed was still hesitant to forgive him, especially after everything he’d done and said, but if this was the first step towards a new future Ed was willing to give it a chance.

“Ok,” he muttered. “Thanks for the soup.”

Hohenheim startled, and nodded quickly before standing up. “Get some rest Edward,” He muttered, before heading out the door.

Releasing the breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding, Ed gently picked up the tray and began to eat the meal. The soup was delicious, and paired with a hopeful chance for the future, it warmed Ed’s body and left him feeling content. It was nice to have a warm homemade meal, especially after losing everything he’d eaten earlier.

 

* * *

 

Once Ed had eaten as much as possible within a single sitting, he ended up grabbing a few books from the bookshelf in the corner of the room and lazily picked through them. In truth, Ed just wanted Alphonse to come back up so they could talk.

Ed supposed he could have gone downstairs himself to seek his younger brother out, but after Hohenheim’s odd apology, Ed didn’t want to do anything to possibly anger the man who had finally shown him a tad bit of kindness.

Alphonse must have thought Ed wasn’t wanting to be bothered, because once the soup was cold and the sun had dipped below the horizon, he still had yet to make any kind of a reappearance.

Ed tried to convince himself it was because Al was busy, or because Al thought he was still sleeping and resting. Yet some small part of his brain sneered at him, haunting him with the possibility that Al shared many of Hohenheim’s earlier taunts.

_Did Al also blame him for their mother’s second death?_

_Did Al blame him for putting him into a metal body?_

While these sparks of ideas were always resting dully amongst the dried-up embers in his mind, the painful words Hohenheim had screamed at him earlier only jostled the burnt mess and urged the flames to start up again.

Ed grit his teeth and shook his head, turning to face the small window in the room. He could barely make out a few lone stars; the light from the streets of Central making it hard to see much else.

Hohenheim had to have told Al to let him rest, and Ed found himself aching for the ever-watching soul that usually resided in the corner of the room during the long nights. It made Ed feel comforted, and protected, especially after all that had been happening with Hohenheim.

Not that it mattered anymore, Ed supposed. Considering Hohenheim’s earlier apology, which was only adding to the uneasiness festering inside the small alchemist.

Ed desperately wanted to believe his words to be true, and his apology to be genuine. However, he still had a hard time trusting the man, and wasn’t ready to let himself be emotionally vulnerable all over again, especially if it turned out to be a poor excuse for what he had done.

Sighing and clutching at his still-sore stomach, Ed closed his eyes and drifted off into an uneasy and dreamless sleep.

 

* * *

 

 

 

Morning came with few problems, but when Ed blinked his weary eyes at the pale ceiling, he found himself wincing sharply.

His cheek burned, and the pain only spread to his temple giving him a nauseating headache. Rolling over to make his way out of bed, Ed let out a sharp whine as his stomach screamed with the strain. Ed grit his teeth and slowly pulled his shirt up, eyes widening at the dark splotch that covered his midsection. It was about the size of Ed’s hand, and an angry redness bordered the purple-black marking. It stung when Ed placed a gentle hand to it, and Ed’s hands were shaking by the time he managed to pull his shirt back down. Every small movement only seemed to agitate it more.

Hohenheim hadn’t held back, that much was for sure.

Not only that, but he really packed one hell of a punch.

A few tears made themselves at home in Ed’s eyes before he hastily blinked them away. He had already cried more than he should have, considering he’d been in much worse situations before this one.

Ed stared up at the ceiling, mentally preparing himself for his next move. He hadn’t changed clothes from the day before, too physically and emotionally drained to do much after the “incident”, as he was referring to it in his head.

He needed to get up and change clothes, so that he could head down to headquarters and pick up the case file he’d accidentally left in Mustang’s office the other day. He was supposed to fix the drainage system today, and he wasn’t keen on spending another day cooped up in bed, being useless.

Grumbling to himself Ed sat up, pausing to allow his body time to adjust to the new positions. Once he deemed himself ready, he swung his legs across the mattress and stood up in one fluid motion. The food from yesterday seemed to do wonders, and his legs strongly supported his body.

His muscles didn’t ache nearly as much from the lack of food, and there weren’t any black spots in his vision when he stood up.

_Food really helps, huh?_

However, while Ed’s automail was singing his praises, his stomach cramped with such intensity it left him doubled over, gripping the nightstand and gasping for breath. He knew nothing was broken, but Ed would be dammed if his ribs didn’t have some kind of internal bruising to match the outer discoloration.

“Ed? I brought up some breakfast for you, how are you feeling?”

Alphonse opened the door and stepped in, expecting to see Ed still in bed refusing to wake up any earlier than necessary. Especially considering he wasn’t feeling great the other day.

What he wasn’t expecting was to see Ed already up, clutching his stomach with white knuckles and mouth gaping, but not really intaking any air. Al hurriedly set the tray on the floor and made his way over to his brother.

“Ed? What’s wrong? What happened?”

Leather-gloved hands were gently placed on Ed’s back and shoulders, helping support him and keep him upright. Ed merely grunted in response as he tossed his head back towards the bed.

Al took the sign, and helped maneuver his older brother so that he was sitting up on the edge of the bed, one hand still grasping the fabric in front of his stomach with such an intensity, Al thought for sure he’d rip it right off.

“Brother what happened?” Al asked again, now that Ed seemed to catch his breath.

“My stomach just hurts a bit Al,” Ed sighed wearily. “Must have been the lunch the Colonel gave me, I’ve half a mind to think he poisoned it intentionally,” he chuckled, not wanting to worry Al more than he needed to.

He hadn’t planned on letting Al see him like that, and he couldn’t say it wasn’t embarrassing.

“I highly doubt the Colonel poisoned you, he _wants_ you to come into work,” Al laughed, though he was still deeply concerned. Reaching out a hand to gently grasp the knuckles that were gripping the clothing, Al attempted to pry them away.

“Maybe you hit something when you passed out, let me check and see if you need to get it looked at,” Al muttered soothingly, reaching an arm out to lift up Ed’s shirt.

Ed wasn’t paying attention, and suddenly Al’s arm coming out of nowhere caused his heart to drop. He flinched away quickly, burying his face under his bangs and tensing up.

Al paused and lowered his arm, concern only continuing to fester inside his soul.

“Ed? It’s ok, it’s just me,” Al started, “I was just going to look and make sure your stomach was ok…”

Ed felt his face heat up and he bit his lip to keep from panicking too much.

“Sorry Al, wasn’t paying attention. You just spooked me is all,” He whispered quickly. “My stomach’s fine, just really sore.”

“But-“

“Al, it’s ok. Really,” Ed insisted, raising his face so that his eyes met his brother’s.

It was easy to forget about the bruise on his face, considering how much of his attention was spent focusing on the burning in his abdomen.

“What happened to your face?” Al shrieked, kneeling down to get a better look.

Ed gaped for a moment, before swatting Al’s hands away.

“Nothing, I just hit it when I passed out yesterday and the bruise showed up this morning. Stop looking at me like I’m going to break,” Ed snapped.

“But brother, that looks really painful,” Al’s voice quivered with worry. Ed’s mind jumped back to the whispered confessions his brother had told him the other day.

“I’m ok Al, I promise. It looks worse than it is, I can barely even feel it,” Ed said softly. It wasn’t a complete lie; it really didn’t hurt all that bad.

Al seemed to sit on his words for a moment before accepting Ed’s half-truth.

“If you say so brother, but you really need to be more careful! I’ve been really worried about you,” Al admitted.

Ed sighed, running a hand through his bangs.

“I’m sorry to worry you Al, I’m just tired. Colonel Bastard doesn’t have much real work for us to do, and I’m tired of ending up with dead ends on every lead we manage to get our hands on. I’ve just been really stressed, between work and the move, I promise I’m ok I’m just tired,” Ed muttered. It was mostly true, though there were definitely some significant things left out.

“I didn’t realize you were so stressed about everything brother, you should have told me earlier. You know I’m always here for you,” Al placed a soft hand on Ed’s shoulder.

Ed smiled up at him wearily, “Thanks Al.”

“Of course Ed! That’s what brothers are for!” Al walked back to the doorway and picked the tray up off the floor, setting it down on the nightstand.

“I brought you breakfast, though it might be a little cold now. Do you think you’re going to go in to work today?” Al asked, watching carefully as Ed moved slowly, positioning himself so that he could eat without getting up.

“Ohf course,” Ed grumbled through big bites, “Muhstahng would kill mhe ihf I didn’t showh.”

“Don’t talk with food in your mouth,” Al chastised. “And if you aren’t feeling well Mustang would understand, I’m pretty sure Hawkeye said she didn’t want you back unless you were feeling better.”

Ed swallowed and tossed a pointed look at Al. “I’m fine. Besides, the sooner these damned drains get fixed the sooner we can be out looking for new leads.”

_And the sooner I can put some distance between Hohenheim and myself while I figure out what’s going to happen between us after yesterday’s weird turn of events._

“If you say so brother, but please let me walk with you this time! We’re mostly done around here; I know Dad wouldn’t mind me tagging along with you.”

Ed nearly scoffed at the sentence, but opted to simply nod instead.

“Sure Al.”

“And if you get tired again, you can ride on my back! Or if your stomach starts hurting, we can go home early,” Al rattled on as Ed finished his meal.

“Yeah, yeah, I get it,” Ed rolled his eyes and stood up to get dressed. He knew Al meant well, but that didn’t mean it didn’t get overbearing from time to time.

Making his way over to the dresser with relative ease, Ed was able to change clothes quickly while Al was still rambling off about their day, keeping him from seeing the awful discoloration.

“As much as I love to hear you talk, we need to get going,” Ed grumbled as he slipped on his signature red coat. Al simply nodded, extending a hand to Ed as he stepped into the doorframe.

Ed grinned up at him, happier than he had been in a while. Sure his stomach hurt, and his cheek was all busted, but his stomach was full, Hohenheim hadn’t bothered them yet, and he would get to have Al tag along all day. It was shaping up to be a promising day.

Ed reached for Al’s outstretched hand when his stomach seized up again, yelling at him for the straining movement. Ed nearly tripped as he latched onto Al’s hand tightly for support, another moving to grasp his shirt.

“Brother? What happened?”

Al’s panicked voice broke through any thoughts that had started to creep in.

“Just my stomach, it still hurts a little if I move too fast,” Ed groaned, fighting the urge to get rid of the breakfast he had just eaten.

“Are you sure you don’t want to call in? I know Hawkeye would understand and Colonel-“

‘I’m fine Al, just need to take things a little slow,” Ed huffed. He slowly stood, relief flooding his bones as his stomach seemed to be appeased for the time being. “I’m sure it’ll fade as the day goes on, it’s just a little fresh right now,” He added.

Al seemed hesitant, but didn’t argue and instead opted to put an arm around Ed’s shoulders.

Normally Ed would shy away from the contact, not wanting to be seen as weak or dependent. However, just for today, he figured he could make an exception.

 

* * *

 

The two brothers made their way down the stairs and out the door, walking along the sidewalk towards Central. The sun was shining brightly, a stark contrast to the rains they’d been having, and the weather was pleasant.

Ed may not have been looking forward to doing minor construction work, but he was content things were seeming to look up, and that he had Al to lean on (literally). Bright golden eyes took on the day with eagerness and hope for the near future, as Ed and Al walked along the path.

 

* * *

 

However, another set of golden eyes peered at the two brothers from under glasses, cold hatred brewing inside their depths as the owner scowled with displeasure.

The future they saw ahead was the stark opposite of the other, and Ed would be all the oblivious.


	5. Unexpected Allies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hey! Who are you calling so small an ant would step on him?” Ed yelled, his face heating ever so slightly. He jerked his head up to glare Mustang in the eyes, his bangs drifting from his face to reveal the slap-mark in its full glory.
> 
> Mustang’s eyes widened and he stood immediately. 
> 
> “What on Earth happened to your face Fullmetal!?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so so so much for being patient with me! School started and I've been absolutely swamped with work and homework and haven't had adequate time to write. I appreciate your patience so very much! 
> 
> This chapter is a little slow, but the next chapter has some really really intense things coming and I'm so excited about it. >:) Hopefully I'll be able to get it out in the next week, week and a half-ish!! 
> 
> As usual, trigger warnings for reference to abuse, and language

Ed stretched his arms out above his head, smiling up at the sun as it peaked through a speckle of grey clouds. Al’s metal boots hit the ground beside him in a steady rhythm as the pair made their way through Central.

Ed was relieved to have Al with him once again, and after Hohenheim’s apology, things were starting to feel like they had before.

 

* * *

 

 

That is, they would feel normal if Ed’s stomach could give him a break. Every so often it would twinge with a sharp pain that nearly left Ed breathless, and it made him pause for a moment to recuperate. Al only grew more and more concerned as they continued on, and by the fourth stop, he was almost certain Ed should go back home.

“I’m being serious brother, I think something’s wrong; you should go back home to rest, or better, go to the doctor and get it checked out!” Al huffed, placing a gentle hand on Ed’s back as he was bent over the sidewalk, taking slow breaths as he waited out the waves of pain mixed with nausea.

“I’m fine Al, I think I just ate too much last night,” Ed argued.

If Al could have rolled his eyes he would have.  

“I highly doubt that’s the case, you ate less than you have before. Why don’t we just stop on the way, it shouldn’t take long and Mustang will surely understand-“

“Let’s just get to Central. It’ll be fine Al,” Ed nearly snapped, his voice growing tight. Going to the doctor was expensive and while the military would cover it without question, should Hohenheim find out about it… Ed wasn’t willing to risk it.

“Besides, if Mustang finds out I had to go to the doctor he’d make me stay home again,” Ed huffed. “And I’m damn tired of being on bed rest.”

“Maybe you _should_ be on bed rest,” Al grumbled; if Ed heard it, he didn’t reply.

Standing straight, Ed nodded briskly to Al before the pair headed off again. His stomach churned with every step, but Ed grit his teeth and continued on, determined to push past whatever was making his stomach uneasy.

 

* * *

 

 

The pair arrived at headquarters, after a walk that took them almost twice the time it usually would. Al had a gloved hand on Ed’s back as they made their way up the stairs, and while Ed would usually shrug it off, he was grateful for the support.

Al couldn’t help but notice the way Ed leaned into his touch, and his concern only continued to rise. Something was seriously wrong; either Ed was feeling much worse than he was letting on, or something else was going on and Al didn’t know about it.

By the time the two of them made it up to where Roy’s office was stationed, Ed’s legs were trembling and he’d had to stop twice to grip at his stomach tightly, worried he was about to get sick in the middle of Central command. Al talked him through it each time, always offering to help sit him down or go get help, each time Ed refusing profusely.

“I’ll be ok Al,” Ed muttered as Al asked him for what seemed like the hundredth time if he needed to go sit down.

“I’m just going to get the file from Mustang, and then we’ll be sitting in a car to the drain sites,” Ed explained, though mostly to reassure himself. He wasn’t sure what was going on, and it was frightening him (though he’d never let Al know that).

Hohenheim’s punch hadn’t felt great, and it definitely bruised badly, but surely that alone wasn’t enough to make him feel _this_ awful.

Al merely sighed, knowing he wasn’t going to be able to do or say much to convince Ed that going to a doctor and skipping out on this assignment was the best idea for the time.

“Fine, but promise me that after we take care of the drains, you’ll go home and you won’t set a foot out of bed the rest of the night,” Al snapped sternly, determined to do _something_ to help his foolishly self-sacrificial brother.

“Ugh fine,” Ed rolled his eyes, opening the doors that lead to the common space in front of Mustang’s office. The team was currently bustling about, and a few of them stopped to look up as Ed made his way into the room.

“Heya Boss! Glad to see you up and moving around, heard you got sick the other day,” Havoc approached the boys, glad to see Ed back in business. However, Havoc noted the still dark circles under Ed’s eyes, and his pale complexion that did little to hide the large bruise taking up half his face. A quick glance at Al who shook his head told Havoc all he needed to know.

“Mustang just overreacted as usual, I’m fine,” Ed growled.

“Ah of course, I wouldn’t doubt it for a second! Nothing can keep you down long, though that bruise looks pretty nasty! What’d you do to get that?” Havoc questioned anxiously; he doubted Mustang would overreact about something like that, especially given Ed’s currently sub-par condition.

“Nothing, just got it when I fell in Mustang’s office yesterday,” Ed explained, trying to keep his tone light and sincere.

Havoc seemed to accept that answer, and gave him a curt nod.

“Ah yeah, I heard you had a bit of a rough time. I’m glad that’s all that came out of it and you aren’t more seriously injured!” Havoc exclaimed cheerfully, trying to lighten the alchemist’s mood a little and hide any skepticism he might have about the injury.

Ed sighed at that, slightly relieved. If he had been more awake and feeling better, he may have caught the hesitance in Havoc’s voice - or the way his lips were starting to curl into a slight frown - but his stomach was pulling half his focus and he merely nodded to the taller officer.

“Well I’m glad to see you back and in action; do you want me to let Mustang know you’re here? The Second Lieutenant is out on a job right now,” Havoc mentioned.

“That’s ok, I know he’s expecting us anyways,” Ed huffed. “If I make him wait any longer, he’ll be even more of a dick than usual.”

Havoc snorted at the harsh words coming from the young alchemist’s mouth; he wouldn’t have dared say anything like that about his superior officer, but he couldn’t deny the truth to the words.

“Will do, but if you need anything Boss, just let me know!” Havoc smiled, clapping Ed on the back in a supportive gesture. Ed winced at the sudden movement and harsh notion against the back of his stomach, smiling a pained smile through gritted teeth.

Havoc was quick to pull his hand back, realizing that something was wrong.

“Are you ok Boss? Did I hit you too hard? Shit, I’m sorry,” He rambled, quickly looking Edward over to see if he was sporting any injuries.

Ed waved him off, and shook his head.

“Nah I’m fine, sorry, just spooked me is all,” he chuckled nervously. “I’m going to go talk with Mustang before he comes out here hunting for us, you coming Al?” Ed asked, already making his way towards the heavy wooden doors separating Mustang from the rest of the world.

Al nodded to him, before he felt a quick tug on his hand. Havoc peered up at him, his expression serious.

“Take care of him yeah? I don’t think everything’s what it seems with him right now,” Havoc muttered.

Al sighed softly, “I’ve been trying but you know how he is. Doesn’t ever want to stop and take care of himself.”

Havoc nodded, seeming to be lost in thought for a moment.

“I’m just glad he has you looking out for him. Don’t hesitate to call any of us if you need some help wrangling him in though,” Havoc grinned, patting Al on the shoulder.

Al gave him his thanks before jogging to catch up with Ed, who was already halfway through Mustang’s doors. For someone who wasn’t feeling so hot, he sure made his way over there fast.

 

* * *

 

 

Al caught the door as Ed had let it slide shut behind him, and he stood patiently behind his brother as Ed approached Mustang.

“Fullmetal, I’m glad to see you feeling better. Were you able to get enough rest yesterday?” Roy asked skeptically, Ed still looking semi run-down.

“Sure was! I’m ready to get on that drain thing so if you give me the file, Al and I’ll be on our way,” Ed grinned, determined to make the most of the day despite his stomach still bothering him. Hohenheim had apologized, it was sunny, and he’d gotten food, appeasing his automail.

Roy cocked an eyebrow at him, the sudden change in behavior throwing him for a slight loop.

“You’re in a good mood today,” Mustang smirked. “What, did you grow a few inches overnight?”

“Hey! Who are you calling so small an ant would step on him?” Ed yelled, his face heating ever so slightly. He jerked his head up to glare Mustang in the eyes, his bangs drifting from his face to reveal the slap-mark in its full glory.

Mustang’s eyes widened and he stood immediately.

“What on Earth happened to your face Fullmetal!?” Roy questioned, worry pooling in his stomach. It wasn’t unusual for the older brother to sport injuries from his day-to-day work, but for someone who had been on bedrest the injury was certainly unexpected, and it left an odd feeling in Roy’s gut.

Ed flinched at the loudness of the Colonel’s voice but stood his ground.

“Nothing, it just bruised from when I fell yesterday,” Ed stated as calmly as possible.

Roy pursed his lips together, eyeing the alchemist carefully.

“You may have fallen but you didn’t fall hard enough to get that kind of a bruise,” Roy stated plainly. “What happened to your face?”

“I said it’s nothing, I’m here for the file anyways so we don’t need to bother with it,” Ed rambled quickly, his foot tapping on the ground nervously. He was _not_ in the mood to answer these kinds of questions, and he didn’t know how he was going to explain this one away. So much for making the most of the day.

“What happened to your face.”

Ed bit his lip and sighed. “It’s nothing ok? I…I slept really rough and fell out of bed,” He muttered. It was an embarrassing lie, but hopefully, it was one good enough to divert Mustang’s piercing gaze.

“You…fell out of bed?” Mustang questioned incredulously.

“Yes! Ok? I fell out of bed, are you happy now?” Ed snapped, his stomach was starting to act up again and unless he wanted to give Mustang more things to be worried about, he needed to get out of there as soon as possible.

“That just seems very unlike you Fullmetal,” Roy noted, the unease in his own stomach ceasing to go away despite the unwavering look Edward had on his face. Was he telling the truth?

“Why do you think I didn’t want to tell you? Now are you going to give us the file or not?” Ed huffed.

Roy simply shook his head, letting his body relax and a small, tight smile grace his face.

“Very well Fullmetal, I’m glad to see you feeling better,” Roy stated, relieved that he seemed more stable today, despite the curious bruise on his cheek.

Ed may have still seemed a little out-of-sorts, but he was acting much more like himself than he had been.

 

* * *

 

 

Ed too felt relieved when he saw Mustang smile; his front had worked. While he may have been in a better mood, there was still a lot stressing him out, though Mustang and Al didn’t need to know that.

_No one_ needed to know that.

“I’m glad to see you here too Al, we missed you the other day,” Mustang smiled up at him.

“Yeah well maybe if Ed _told_ me anything, I’d have been able to come with him. I didn’t even know he was leaving!” Al huffed. Mustang’s smile fell for a moment at that, hadn’t Ed told him Al was just busy?

Ed quickly glanced between the two of them, his insides churning in panic. Mustang was going to ask more questions, Mustang and Al were going to get suspicious.

However, Mustang merely forced a smile back again, setting that complicated set of questions aside to pick through later.

“Well, you know how Fullmetal is – I don’t think I’ve ever seen him sit still,” Roy smirked. Ed felt his chest loosen as he let out a deep breath of relief. Mustang hadn’t noticed…or at least that’s what _Ed_ perceived.

“Yeah, yeah, now come on! Stop talking about me as if I’m not here. I’m itching to get back into alchemy work; sitting around all day was boring,” Ed huffed, eager to get back to work to give his mind something to concentrate on instead of the past few month’s events, and the fluctuation of Hohenheim’s moods.

“Boring or not it was clearly needed,” Roy mumbled as he fished around for the file. Handing the papers over to Ed, who grabbed them eagerly, Roy moved on to start on some of his other paperwork, his stress level much lower after seeing that Ed was seemingly doing better, and that Al was with him.

Things were back to… _mostly_ normal, at least in his eyes.

“I have a car prepped to take you two to the work sites,” Roy explained, “Are you sure you’re feeling up to this? I wouldn’t get mad if you decided you’d rather take another day to rest.”

Ed rolled his eyes for what seemed like the tenth time in the past few minutes.

“I’m _fine,_ I got plenty of rest and I’m raring to go!” Ed grinned, clenching his fists as his stomach churned angrily. He needed to get out, he needed to wait it out, but he couldn’t do that in front of Mustang and his judgmental stares.

Mustang was hesitant for a moment, unsure of Edward’s condition. He still seemed exhausted, and that bruise on his face surely couldn’t feel great. However, he doubted Ed would take kindly to him asking a bunch more questions, and he had work to get done. These drains getting fixed up would free up a lot of his list.

“Very well, you can see yourself out.”

Ed nodded and turned briskly, taking long strides to reach the door as quick as possible. Riding in a car sounded so nice at the moment, being able to sit and rest his eyes for a little.

“Oh, and Fullmetal?” Roy called after them as Ed was halfway through the door.

“Please do be careful, I don’t want to have to do more paperwork because of you risking your safety and doing something stupid.”

Ed rolled his eyes and walked out the door, leaving Al to usher a few quick apologies in his haste to follow the fast-moving blond.

Ed waltzed through the halls of Central quickly, the soft leather seats of the car calling his name. He heard Al shout quick apologies and soft greetings to people they walked by, but Ed wasn’t focusing on that at all, too busy navigating the large building in a haste.

Once they made it outside Ed all but collapsed into the thick leather seats, hands quickly gripping his stomach as he rode out another wave of sharp pain. Al squished in next to him, the car just barely big enough to fit him, though he couldn’t move too much.

The driver started the car just as Ed leaned his head against the window, letting his eyes shut slowly. Al watched as Ed curled up into the seat, and couldn’t help but sigh. Ed’s exhaustion only more proof to him not feeling 100%, and Al was determined to get him to rest more once they were done.

Ed could feel Al’s eyes on him, but he was too tired to care. He’d only been up for a short period of time, but he hadn’t slept well due to the aches in his stomach, and felt like he’d just pulled an all-nighter.

Listening to the hum of the car’s engine, he felt himself drift off slowly.

 

* * *

 

 

He didn’t drift for long before Al was shaking him gently, and Ed couldn’t help but feel robbed.

“Brother, wake up, we’re here,” Al muttered sympathetically. Ed cracked his eyes open wearily, groaning at the lack of engine noise from the stopped car.

“Already?”

“It was only a fifteen-minute drive…” Al trailed off. “Say, why didn’t you tell me you slept so roughly? You didn’t have to lie to me about what happened…”

Ed paused for a moment, just now realizing that what he had told Al and what he told Mustang were very different.

“Cause…it’s embarrassing,” Ed huffed.

Al sighed, understanding his brother’s hesitation. Though it was still peculiar for him to lie about it; it was really unlike Ed, and it concerned Al that Edward was starting to keep things from him and not be completely honest like he'd always been.

Al took a moment to his brother in. He still had bags under his eyes, and was clutching his stomach seemingly involuntarily.

“Are you sure you’re ok brother? If you aren’t feeling well you shouldn’t try and perform complicated alchemy like this, you know Mustang would be livid if he found out.”

Ed rolled his eyes and shuffled out of the car, waiting for Al to meet him around the other side.

“I’m fine Al, just tired, and my stomach’s acting a little off. I’ll take a nap when we get home and that’ll take care of everything,” Ed shrugged, hoping that would be the case.

Al was hoping that too.

“If you say so, just make sure to take it slow, and if you need to be done early, we’ll call it a day. Mustang would understand,” Al mentioned.

Ed shook his head and walked towards where the construction crew had gathered around the drain. They were busy clearing debris from where they’d taken out a portion of the drain system, with the hopes of rebuilding it in a different way to channel the water in a more effective manner.

Looking around at all the mess, Ed realized why Mustang was eager to have an alchemist step in and fix it. It would take months to get this project finished, and this was only one out of _five_ drains.

“What are you boys doing here?”

Ed turned and peered up at the construction worker who was giving them a weird gaze.

“We’re here to help fix the drains,” Ed stated, flashing his pocket watch. “I’m Edward Elric, State Alchemist.”

The worker’s dark eyes widened and he quickly sized the two of them up. Ed stood up straight, trying to seem more official than he felt. The stranger’s eyes fell on the bruise on Ed’s face, and Ed felt his insides tense up at the attention.

_Please don’t ask about it, please don’t ask about it, please don’t-_

“Sure thing, thanks for stopping by to help, we definitely could use a couple of skilled alchemists to make the job go by faster.”

Edward sighed in relief, and nodded to the tall burly man. “Just point us in the right direction,” he grinned.

 

* * *

 

 

The worker, who’s brass-colored nameplate read ‘Roger’, lead the two alchemists over to the entrance of the drain system. Ed stuck his hands in his pockets and kept his head down, trying to avoid any needless confrontations from the many wandering eyes that watched the two of them. Alchemists helping out the construction crew wasn’t something that happened every day.

“So the main problem is the piping, which we’ve fixed up for the most part. We replaced all the pipelines and patched up some of the weaker spots, so water should flow into this here tunnel really nicely,” Roger explained.

Ed could feel himself growing weary from having to stand and listen to the drawn-out explanation. His stomach was sparing him for the time being, but he was ready to take a nap.

“All we need you to do is reseal the parts of the foundations that hold up the tunnel and have been damaged, and fix up the holes in the ceiling where water was coming through.”

Ed nodded, blinking to clear the fog that was trying to cloud his head and convince him to sleep. He had zoned out during the middle part of the explanation, but he figured he could figure it out. It was just basic alchemic work, at least to him.

“Yeah yeah, we can do that. Just make sure to get all your men out of the way while we fix the foundations in case something else happens,” Ed explained.

Roger nodded to him and began barking out instructions to his fellow workers, effectively moving everyone out of the tunnel and towards the further edges of the construction site.

Once everyone was backed away, Ed turned to head into the main part of the drain, so he could get a better look at the foundations and fix it from a more direct source.

“Brother, are you sure you’re up to this?” Al asked worriedly, trailing behind him. Ed, focused on taking in his surroundings merely shot him a thumbs up and continued walking alongside the walls, a hand reached out to get a feel of the material.

Al sighed, knowing he wasn’t going to get much more of an answer than that.

 

* * *

 

Edward, on the other hand, was feeling confident, eager to be putting his alchemy to use again after being in Resembool for so long, and then being on bedrest the day prior. It felt nice to be useful.

Besides, his stomach wasn’t bothering him anymore, and he felt nausea-free for the first time all day. His automail wasn’t even bothering him. Perhaps it had merely been a temporary ailment; his body must have over-reacted to the nasty hit he’d taken the day before.

Shaking his head, Ed refocused his energy on examining the area. He didn’t want to think about yesterday, or the past few months events. At least not for a little while.

“Ok Al, I think I’m going to start the transmutation here, which will secure the foundation. We’ll have to do a couple more in some of the other main openings here, but that should help with this section,” Ed described.

“That sounds like a solid plan Ed,” Al nodded to him. “What about the stuff deeper in the sewers? Won’t you have to fix all of those too?”

“Nah, from what I can tell the middle foundations are alright, but after those heavy rains we got, the big surges of water damaged the endpoints. Central only has five major drain endings where it dumps out into the river, and they weren’t enough to handle all the water.”

Al nodded as Ed explained the logistics of everything, and described what he was going to do for the support system.

Standing in front of the stone wall Edward closed his eyes, trying to envision the transmutation he’d need to complete in order to successfully fix the problem. After a few seconds of quick thought, he clapped his hands together and placed them on the wall.

Bright light flooded the tunnel as electricity hummed, and within moments the foundation was secure and built up, strong enough to take torrents of rainwater and sewage. The only remnants of Ed’s creation being the scratchy lines from the transmutation, noticeable only to those who know what to look for. 

Ed smirked to himself, proud of his work, before flashing a thumbs up at Al who sent one back. Al was just relieved that it went smoothly, all things considered.

Ed continued to go about, fixing up the last of the three main pillars.

Checking once more to make sure they would stay, Ed turned to head out. His head ached a little bit, and he felt semi-winded, but his stomach had ceased its barrage against him, and he was beyond thankful.

“Damn kid, you did a bang-up job in there,” Roger grinned at the boys as they stepped back into the light. “That would have taken us months to get done, you’ve really done us a favor!”

“It’s no problem at all, I’m glad to be able to help,” Ed flashed a smile back, his mood returning after being productive and feeling better. Sure he was still tired, maybe a little more so after the work, but adrenaline was quickly overtaking any exhaustion.

“Well I know the crew is very grateful to you,” Roger added, his eyes still wandering to the bruise on Ed’s face, making him uncomfortable.

“Thanks, sorry to cut this short but we’re going to head out to the other sites and do the same thing there,” Ed explained, wanting to get the process moving quickly so he could go home and take a nap.

“I’ll make sure the driver knows where we’re headed next!” Al stated cheerfully, wishing a goodbye to the workers before waltzing over to where their ride was waiting.

Ed moved to follow him but a soft hand on his shoulder had him turn around with a slight flinch.

“Ah sorry bud, didn’t mean to startle you,” Roger smiled, though it had traces of concern and sympathy. Ed gulped as he looked up at the man, who nodded to him.

“That shiner from your old man?”

Ed froze.

_How did he know?_

_What’s he going to do?_

_Oh my god Hohenheim is going to find out people know-_

“Shit, easy there Elric, I didn’t mean to make you nervous,” Roger muttered softly, kneeling ever-so-slightly to meet Ed’s wide eyes. “I shouldn’t have said it that directly I’m sorry.”

Roger was speaking, but Ed could barely hear what he was saying through the fog of panic that clouded his mind.

“Hey, hey, take some deep breaths kid. Just follow me ok? You’re going to be ok, that was my fault.”

Ed hadn’t realized how fast he was breathing until Roger said something, and the tightness in his chest was now present to him. Watching Roger’s own chest rise and fall, Ed was able to get his back to a normal rate, only left feeling more tired than he already was.

“I didn’t mean to upset you,” Roger started, looking him up and down. “I just know what it’s like to be on the other side of that.”

Ed jerked his head upwards, surprised. Roger seemed so strong and resilient, had he really gone through the same thing he was currently suffering?

“If it gets worse, or anything happens, feel free to give me a call anytime,” Roger smiled softly, placing a slip of paper into Ed’s hand. “You don’t have to go through this alone, ok kid?”

Ed nodded, staring down at the slip like it was the stone he’d spent the past few years searching for.

Realizing he had yet to say anything, Ed glanced up at the man once more.

“Thanks,” he muttered.

Roger nodded to him, before patting him on the back gently.

“You’re a tough kid, just be careful alright?”

“I’ll do my best!” Ed said sincerely, before waving as he walked back to the car where Al was waiting.

“What was that about?” Al asked as soon as Ed returned and shuffled into the car.

“Oh nothing, he just wanted to say thanks again,” Ed lied easily. Al laughed at that.

“All of them seemed really nice, I’m glad we were able to help them out!”

Ed nodded to him and peered out the window as the car jolted to a start. He felt just a little less alone, a little more understood.

“Me too Al…me too.”

 


	6. Crashing Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Mustang is expecting you two,” Riza stated. “Ed, if you’re not feeling well, would you like me to call a medic up here?”
> 
> Ed shook his head, wincing as it throbbed against his skull.
> 
> “I’m ok, but what do you mean Mustang is expecting us?” Ed asked incredulously, feeling his stomach sink as he worried about what that entailed.
> 
> Riza’s eyes widened a fraction and she sighed softly.
> 
> “Why don’t you come in and sit down, and I’ll let him talk to you about it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW ! It has been a hot minute since I've been able to update this, but as such I have a really hearty chapter for you all this time around! It's just going to get more intense from here on out too! Thank you as always for being so patient with me, and continuing to support me! It means the world to me, and I appreciate each and every one of you. 
> 
> Also, I finally figured out how to reply to comments so I'll try and keep up with that from here on out as well! 
> 
> As always, there are trigger warnings in this chapter for mentions of abuse, illness, and harsh language

The two of them made it to the second site smoothly, despite Ed’s irritation at the drive being too short for him to get some decent rest in. Of course, he didn’t mention that to Al, who was still looking at him like he was a string hanging by its last thread. He’d get proper rest when he got back to the house anyways…at least…he _hoped_ he would.

The second drain went about as smoothly as the first had, and luckily none of the workers seemed to bother with asking Ed about his bruise. They had better things to worry about than a random kid with a random bruise.

Ed was just grateful to be out of the house doing something again. Revamping the drain system would help the streets of Central out, and it was simple work. Especially since they’d already done one of them. Nothing like honest work to make him feel better, feel like he mattered and was doing something worthwhile.

Ed shook his head and continued with the transmutations he was in the middle of. He didn’t have time to think about his worth; he couldn’t afford to let Hohenheim get into his head that easily, though he noticed it was getting easier and easier each time for his harsh words to creep into his thoughts.

Taking a deep breath and grinning to himself, Ed double-checked the transmutations he’d completed. Everything seemed to be in order, and he was relieved that his stomach was still giving him some peace. It had to have just been a morning bug, or something he ate.

“What do you think Al?” Ed asked, kneeling in front of the last pillar he’d reconstructed. “Looking good or what?”

Al chuckled at that, “It looks exactly like the last few we’ve done.”

“Yeah, yeah, but it looks steady? Mustang would have my head if I did the transmutation wrong,” Ed huffed.

“It looks fine brother…” Al said carefully, unsure as to why Ed was needing the reassurance all of a sudden. His brother was always so confident in his skills, even a little egotistical at times, and never seemed to think twice about a transmutation he’d done, simply because he knew he had done it right.

_Why were things different now?_

_Why was he questioning his skills, especially for something this simple?_

Al sighed and watched as his brother went over the pillar once more, triple-checking his flawless work.

Ed could tell Al was looking at him strangely without having to turn around. He knew he probably tripped up when asking for Al’s opinion, but he couldn’t risk messing this up and getting more people hurt. Not like how he’d hurt Al…and his mother.

Eyes widening, Edward shook his head quickly to diminish the thought.

“What’s wrong?” Al’s voice piped up again and Ed steeled himself to be able to lie away what he was really thinking.

Pushing himself off his knees, Ed turned to face his brother and explain things, when his vision grew hazy and he felt himself stagger to the side.

Sturdy leather hands gripped his arm tightly and kept him upright, albeit a little too tightly for comfort.

“Ed?! Ed are you ok? What happened?”

Ed blinked a few times, his vision clearing and the small wave of dizziness subsiding almost immediately.

_Weird._

“I’m fine Al, sorry to worry you. I think I just stood up too fast,” Ed chuckled nervously. “Must still be kinda drained from yesterday.”

If Al could have scowled at Ed, he would have. Though he was fairly certain Ed knew exactly the expression he was intending to make, considering the way he squirmed uneasily in Al’s grip.

“I don’t know brother, I think we should head home and finish the rest of the job tomorrow. Mustang would understand-“

“No!”

Ed’s voice grew shrill and he winced at the urgency of his response.

“No, it’s ok. I feel fine, just a little tired. We’ll finish the drains and then we can take it easy, I mean come on Al, I can handle a few measly transmutations.”

Going home early would disrupt Hohenheim, who wasn’t expecting them until later.

Going home early meant he wasn’t good enough to do simple tasks.

Going home early meant everything Hohenheim had said was true.

_Going home early meant he was a failure._

Al sighed, defeated. “Fine, but you had better be careful Ed; I’m serious!”

Ed chuckled and pushed Al’s hands away from his arms. “I know, I know. I’ll be careful.”

The dizziness had faded, thankfully, and Ed was able to make his way out of the tunnel on his own, though he knew Al was anxiously anticipating the opposite considering he was trailing very, _very,_ close behind Ed and watching him intensely.

The pair said their farewells to the workers and explained what they had done before heading back to the car to make it to their next stop.

Clambering back into the tight and semi-uncomfortable seats, the brothers were on their way to the next site.

* * *

 

Ed knew he was tired, but as soon as he sat down his legs all but melted underneath him and he could feel his body sing his praises. He wasn’t sure why he was so worn out; sure, things had been rough - the past few days especially so – but his stomach wasn’t hurting anymore, and he hadn’t done much other than a few simple transmutations.

Leaning back into the seat and closing his eyes, Ed sighed softly to himself. Maybe he was getting sick, though he severely hoped that wasn’t the case. Hohenheim wouldn’t give him a break no matter how he was feeling.

Although, Ed wasn’t sure about things on that end anymore either. _Was Hohenheim finally going to start being an actual father? Was he going to stop treating Ed how he had been?_

Ed about scoffed to himself at the thought. He doubted Hohenheim would just up and change _that_ drastically after these past few months, but hopefully he wouldn’t get physical with him ever again.

Ed dearly hoped that would be the case, his hand instinctively coming up to gently feel the area around his eye where it was still slightly swollen and sore. Ed had seen and faced many things in the life of a State Alchemist, but even the craziest rouge alchemists had nothing on the sheer terror Hohenheim could somehow manage to stir up in Ed’s chest.

Maybe it was because Ed still instinctively looked up to him as a father.

Maybe it was because Ed had so desperately hoped that things would be different this time, and that Hohenheim coming back would be a blessing in disguise.

Maybe it was because his words always cut deep, leaving nasty trails and marks that Ed didn’t think he’d ever be rid of.

 _Not that it mattered,_ Ed thought harshly. No matter what the explanation behind it was, nothing could expunge the fact that Hohenheim scared the living daylights out of him, and that if Ed ended up coming down with something, the price would be steep.

Besides, if Hohenheim was still wanting Ed to pitch in on rent, Ed needed to actually show up and make an effort.

While the military provided him funding, and Ed didn’t have to show up _every_ day to get sufficient earnings, he wouldn’t feel right sitting idly and using the Military’s money without working for it. Especially not after everything Hohenheim had instilled in him.

 _It’s amazing what a few months can do, huh?_ Ed shook his head idly at the thought, though he knew no amount of thinking that would change anything.

* * *

 

A light tap on Ed’s arm brought him out of his thoughts, and he realized that the car had stopped and the passing scenery ceased to be blurred. Al was watching him expectantly, waiting for Ed to help him with opening the door so he could squeeze back out of the vehicle.

“What’s going on in that head of yours?” Al asked curiously, “You were lost in thought the entire ride over here.”

“Eh, just alchemy stuff. Trying to figure out where the next lead could be, and what our next steps should be after this job,” Ed said with a shrug. It wasn’t a complete lie, that _was_ always something that lingered at the back of his mind, ever-present and ever-important.

Although… he may not have been _actively_ thinking about it.

…not that Al needed to know that.

“I appreciate you thinking of that brother, but you should just take things one step at a time for now. You’re still recovering, and clearly need some more sleep before you start thinking ahead to stuff like that.” Al remarked.

Ed simply rolled his eyes at that, not wanting to admit how spot-on Al was. Not that that was ever unusual of course. Al was usually right on target, which is partly why Ed took a small hint of pride and satisfaction at having been able to keep his and Hohenheim’s… _dealings_ …under wraps.

 _What Al didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him,_ Ed had convinced himself. Quite literally, in fact, seeing as how Al not knowing about what was going on was protecting him from Hohenheim’s rage.

Ed yawned as he strode up to the man in charge of the current operations at this site. There weren’t many people here, most being centered at the other two sites. Ed predicted that the next two after this would have even smaller numbers.

“Ah, you must be the Fullmetal Alchemist, we’re really grateful to have you here helping us,” the lead man said with a grin, arm extended in greeting.

Al sheepishly glanced at the hand extended to him, taking it gently.

“We’re happy to help sir, but uh…I’m not the State Alchemist, that’d be my brother.”

The man peered around Al to where Ed was standing to his side, slightly fuming. Al was concerned to see that Ed wasn’t nearly as fired up at the common occurrence as he usually would be.

The list of peculiar things just kept growing and growing, along with the unease that was pooling in Al’s stomach. If he had one of course.

“Oh dear, I’m terribly sorry, I just thought a State Alchemist would be…” the man trailed off with a quiet cough from Al. Ed knew where the man was headed, but couldn’t be bothered to pester him about it. Sure he’d usually be biting the man’s head off, and sure Al would grow suspicious from his lack of response, but the wave of exhaustion that was riding over him kept him from caring too much about it.

“Well that’s beside the point, I take it you’d want to see where you’re helping?” The man grinned in an attempt to make peace and led the two boys to their job site. Ed knelt down to inspect the pillar, wincing as his knees buckled slightly halfway down and he more fell onto them than laid onto them.

Al watched as his brother ran shaky hands over the material, and sighed to himself. It was just like Ed to run himself to the ground over work and other people’s expectations, but that didn’t make it any easier to see and deal with.

Al perked up as Ed took a deep breath, and clapped his hands together, starting the transmutation. The earth rumbled below them as the stone was rearranged amongst flashes of blue light.

Though, it didn’t seem to be going as smoothly as it had before. At several moments the stone would rearrange itself only to be pulled back again, as if it hadn’t gone where it was intended. It also didn’t seem to be happening nearly as quickly as the last two had been, or as quickly as transmutations usually went for him.

After a few solid minutes the process was done, and Ed was left kneeling in front of the newly constructed pillar. Alchemic lines stretched across the surface, more so than they usually would as a result of the constant changing that had happened during the process.

Meanwhile, Ed was struggling to catch his breath. He felt shaky and lightheaded, and couldn’t help but notice the beads of sweat that trickled down his forehead. Alchemic work wasn’t easy, but by all means, it never took _this_ much out of him.

Placing his hands on his knees, he leaned forward and rested his head against the cool stone, taking a few deep breaths to get himself situated. He closed his eyes slightly, listening to the creaking of metal as Al knelt beside him. A thick leather hand was placed against his back, and Ed sighed at the contact.

“Are you ok Ed?”

Ed sighed, nodding slowly.

“I’m just tired Al,” he muttered, feeling defeated. Tired was an understatement, but it wasn’t completely incorrect.

Ed was tired, tired from the physical effort, tired of putting up with Hohenheim, tired of things not being ok.

“Do you want to call Mustang and tell him we’ll finish the rest tomorrow?” Al questioned. “I think a rest would do you good, and there’s no hurry on this.”

Ed groaned at the thought of calling Mustang; he already knew exactly what he was going to say.

_“I told you you needed to go home and get more rest, Fullmetal.”_

_“So you called after all huh? I knew you wouldn’t be up for the full job.”_

_“You shouldn’t have taken this if you weren’t feeling well, what did I tell you about taking care of your health first?”_

_“You should have told me upfront you weren’t feeling 100%, now all you’ve done is waste my time.”_

“Ed?”

Ed jolted out of his inner dialogue with Mustang and glanced up at Al, who was rubbing soft circles on his back.

“Sorry, just got thinking. I’ll be ok, we’re more than halfway done and I don’t want to put this off for another day,” he explained.

Al sighed, but nodded slowly, understanding where Ed was coming from. While he wished his brother would take things easy and go home, he knew he wouldn’t, and the best thing for him to do was support Ed in any way he could and make sure he didn’t get hurt.

Al stood, extending an arm to Ed who took it with a soft smile of thanks. He stood slowly on shaky knees, wincing as his body swayed slightly at the movement. Al simply placed a hand around his shoulder, steadily helping him along.

* * *

 

Normally, Ed would have shrugged off the contact and insisted he was fine, making a point to be as ok as humanly possible.

But normally, Ed wouldn’t have to be suffering from everything life was currently throwing at him. Besides, Al’s presence of kindness was comforting, and made things seem a little bit better. That paired with Roger’s prior extension of help made Ed realize that maybe it was ok sometimes to not be ok. _Maybe._

* * *

 

The two of them got in the car, and rode off to their next destination. Al watched as Ed attempted to fall asleep yet again, and contemplated asking him a few things to clarify some of his worries.

“Ed?”

“Yeah Al?”

“Do…do you want anything in particular for dinner tonight?”

Ed cracked an eye open and looked at Al skeptically, before closing it and humming to himself.

“Let’s do pasta.”

Al chuckled lightly at the blatant response, guilt still bubbling up inside him at his lack of courage. He had meant to ask about what was going on, what Ed was keeping from him.

Clearly, he was extremely successful in that regard.

 _Way to go Al,_ he thought bitterly to himself.

The car slid to a stop at the fourth construction site, and the brothers stepped out and began making their way over.

* * *

 

Word had clearly spread that Ed was doing this job, as this site had a large number of workers eager to watch the alchemist at work.

Typically, Ed would love the chance to show off his skills in front of the people of Central and boost his ego. But at the moment, all he wanted was to get this job over with, so he could move on to the next one and then get some decent sleep.

Sure, he wasn’t looking forward to returning home, but he _was_ looking forward to climbing into his bed and getting comfortable.

Ed quickly said his hellos and let Al do most of the talking, not bothering to correct the guy when he mistook Al for him. Within a few minutes, the two of them were headed into the drain system.

The water had hit this one the hardest, and sharp pieces of stone were scattered across the floor where the waves of water had broken them off the pillars themselves. The main pillar was in shambles, and it was a miracle it was supporting the tunnel itself at all. Heavy metal beams arched across the walls and ceiling, seemingly supporting the weaker areas that the pillars couldn’t manage.

“Are you sure you’re going to be ok for this one brother?” Al asked, looking around at the destruction. “This is a lot more than that last one, and I don’t know if it would be safe to try and transmute it all given the state you’re in.”

“It’s alright Al, we’re almost done and I just want to get it over with. We came all this way out here anyway.”

With that, Ed crouched down to inspect where he’d be starting the process, only for his knees to give in and send him harshly kneeling on the floor, thick fog coating his mind.

Wincing with a slight gasp, Ed placed at hand on the rocky surface to steady himself. He could hear Al asking him questions, but the fogginess in his head wasn’t ceasing and he couldn’t make out what was going on.

Something was wrong; first, his stomach had wreaked havoc on him all morning, and now he could barely function. Maybe it really _was_ something he ate, though all he had eaten was the soup and the breakfast Al had made him.

_Would…Hohenheim have poisoned it?_

 Ed sighed at the thought; his father might be shitty but he wasn’t _that_ shitty.

_…hopefully._

If anything, he was just stressing himself out and making himself sick. Things _had_ been pretty stressful in the last few months. Maybe he was overdue on a round of stress-borne illness.

Ed felt Al’s hand on his shoulder, shaking it gently. He knew Al was trying to get his attention and he knew he shouldn’t ignore him, but he really wanted to get the job over with. Quickly clapping his hands together and placing them on the stone, Ed started despite Al’s attempt to quickly stop him.

Light danced through the tunnel, and the stone pieces rattled on the ground as the earth shook slightly with the effort of the transmutation. Ed winced as he felt his body being drained of energy, and he had to grit his teeth to stay focused.

Al watched some of the rocks fly around as they came together to piece the pillar back together, and jumped when a few hit him as well, something that Ed was usually really good at avoiding.

The pillar seemed to groan with the strain, but within a minute was standing fixed, alchemic lines apparent across the whole structure.

Ed let his hands fall to the ground as he hung his head, sweat dripping off his face and hitting the ground below him at a steady rate. He could feel his arms shaking with the minuscule amount of weight he had on them, especially considering he was still kneeling as well.

“Ed?”

Ed closed his eyes at Al’s voice, not daring to look up at him until he got himself together. His stomach had started churning slightly again, and he felt nauseous and weak.

“Ed are you ok?”

Ed groaned and lowered himself to the ground, so that he was laying on his side, facing away from Alphonse.

“Edward?!”

“M’ ok,” Ed grumbled. “Just gimme a minute.”

Al nervously peered between where Ed was laying in the middle of the sewer, and to the onlookers who were peering in curiously, eager to see the completed work of a State Alchemist (as if stone pillars were all at exciting).

“Ed you’re worrying me, can I carry you on my back at least? I want to make sure to get you home,” Al asked, worried Ed would vehemently refuse.

Ed opened his eyes and peered down the tunnel, sighing as the cold stone he was laying on was starting to make his head hurt. He _really_ didn’t want to cave in to Al’s offer, but he also knew that getting up would be pointless if he were just to fall back over again.

“Ok…” he muttered softly, hoping Al heard it as he didn’t want to have to repeat it again. Luckily, he seemed to have been loud enough, and he felt Al’s gentle hands helping him stand up, and then lifting him so he was draped across Al’s back. The cool metal felt nice, and he wrapped his arms around Al’s neck softly.

“Thanks Al.”

“Anytime brother. Now I don’t care _what_ you say, we’re going home. We’ll reassess how you feel tomorrow and see if you’re up to the fifth site or not,” Al huffed, determined to get his brother to rest, and hopefully open up about some things later on as well.

Ed rolled his eyes, but deep down he knew that Al was speaking from a logical place. Besides, staying home and resting felt like _heaven_ right now. He felt absolutely awful.

“Hey Al?”

“Yes Ed?”

“I think…I think I’m sick.”

Al chuckled lightly.

“Yeah, I think you are. Which is why we’re headed home.”

“Wait, Mustang-“

“-will be ok with it,” Al finished. “He’ll understand Ed.”

Ed huffed, “well if you’d let me finish… we need to at least stop by Central Command and let him know.”

Al sighed, not enjoying the idea of having another stop before Ed could be safe inside their home, resting.

“Alright, but we’ll make it quick and you’d better let me help you.”

Ed didn’t answer, which Al took as silent agreement and understanding. The two of them clambered into the car once more, the driver sending a sympathetic look to Al.

* * *

 

After informing their chauffer of the change in plans, the two were quickly escorted to military headquarters. The drive was long and Ed drifted off a couple of times, waking up once to slight tremors in the ground that Al told him were probably just from military practice.

Arriving at Central, the two made their way slowly up to Mustang’s office, Al heavily helping Ed stay stable and making sure to stop if need be.

“Wow, you look like shit,” Havoc commented as the pair made their way into the main office.

“Thanks,” Ed growled. “You try fixing a bunch of damn sewers and seeing how you look after.”

Havoc held his hands up in mock surrender, “Nah, I just mean you look sick or something.” The taller man rolled his cigarette between his fingers, eyeing Ed warily.

“That’s because he _is_ sick,” Al stated, ignoring the look of betrayal Ed tossed him. “So, we’re going to let Mustang know and then get rest at home.”

Havoc raised an eyebrow at this, and glanced between the two brothers, understanding the situation. He was still concerned, but Al seemed to have a decent bit of control over his brother and what was going on.

“Gee that sucks, sorry Boss. I hope you start feeling better,” Havoc smiled warmly, exhaling a soft plume of smoke that tickled Ed’s nose. “If you want I can get the First Lieu-“

“No need Second Lieutenant,” Riza stated, peering over his shoulder with a slightly menacing tone. “That had better not be a cigarette lit indoors Lieutenant Havoc.”

Havoc paled slightly and grinned, “Of course not Lieutenant, I was just…headed outside to take a break when I ran into the Major.”

Riza gave him a pointed stare, and Havoc sent the boys a knowing look before beelining past them and into the hallway.

“Mustang is expecting you two,” Riza stated. “Ed, if you’re not feeling well, would you like me to call a medic up here?”

Ed shook his head, wincing as it throbbed against his skull.

“I’m ok, but what do you mean Mustang is expecting us?” Ed asked incredulously, feeling his stomach sink as he worried about what that entailed.

Riza’s eyes widened a fraction and she sighed softly.

“Why don’t you come in and sit down, and I’ll let him talk to you about it.”

Ed paled at that, his legs growing shaky and his breathing seeming to halt. If it hadn’t been for Al helping push him along and into the room, he doubted he’d have moved at all. Everything was going too fast; everything was happening too quickly.

 

* * *

 

Ed sat down on the couch next to Al, and Riza closed the doors behind them, taking a position in front of them as she watched sympathetically as Roy peered up at the boys, his anger fuming.

“Would you care to explain what happened at the drain site, Fullmetal?”

Ed could barely hear what Mustang was saying over the panic that had settled into his blood, but this drew his attention.

“What do you mean? We fixed them?” Ed asked, uncertain as to why Mustang was so angry at him doing his job.

“ _Fixed_ them?” Mustang laughed, a cold and albeit frightening laugh that chilled Ed to the core. “You caused an entire drain segment to collapse because of your half-assed alchemy!”

Ed blanched, his fingers balling into fists as he attempted to stomach what Mustang was saying.

“W-what-“

“You caused an innocent worker to get hurt; he had to get rushed to the hospital and frankly it’s a miracle he made it out alive!” Mustang was yelling at this point, and had stood from his chair. “I know you didn’t want to do this job, but just because it was _easy_ doesn’t mean you can half-ass it like this!”

Ed felt his hands shake and his stomach was clenching with terror. He had thought all the drains were fine, Al had helped double check them, everything had been fine…right?

“What the hell are you talking about? Everything was fine when we left it!” Ed argued back.

Mustang’s eyes widened and he sat back down.

“You weren’t there?”

Ed shook his head slowly at him, “I, we left the fourth site a little bit ago and came straight here. Everything was fine when we left,” he repeated.

Mustang sighed a deep and pained sigh, running his fingers through his hair.

“Fullmetal, the last site you went to…the foundation wasn’t built up properly and stable enough. The alchemic work collapsed in on itself and the pillar fell, bringing the rest of the surrounding stone down with it. It caused nearly half the entrance to the drain to cave in, and is going to take an entire team of alchemists to put back together,” Mustang explained. “So, I’m asking you, what _happened_?”

Ed shook his head slowly, staring down at his hands with fear.

“No, it was stable, we left it and it was standing fine and-“

“Clearly it wasn’t, Fullmetal. But it’s unlike you to do shitty work like this, so _what on earth_ _happened_.”

Ed felt a soft hand on his shoulder, and he was grateful for the support Al was lending him.

“General, sir, I promise we really had no idea that had happened. I should have double checked to make sure everything was stable, I’m so sorry,” Alphonse whispered.

Mustang folded his hands under his chin and peered over at Al.

“Alphonse, while I appreciate your apology, I am asking Fullmetal and would like to hear his response,” he stated coldly, though the frigidity wasn’t directed towards Alphonse.

Ed bit his lip and took a shaky breath. He felt faint and everything seemed to be swimming around him. He could barely focus.

“Fullmetal I swear to god if you don’t fucking answer me I-“

“I don’t know,” Ed stated softly, cutting off Mustang who leaned back in his chair slightly, ready to listen.

“I…the first went by really well, but after the second one I started feeling kind of lightheaded. It got worse the more transmutations I did, and I…I must have missed a step or _something_ ,” Ed frowned. “If you let me get back out there, I promise I’ll fix it and do whatever I can to make it right.”

“So you’re sick, is what you’re saying,” Roy stated emotionlessly, “If you weren’t feeling up to the job, you should never have agreed to it.”

“I felt fine this morning though!” Ed yelled, standing quickly on shaky legs. Al was quick to stand behind him and support him.

“Oh really? You felt 100% fine this morning? Up to an entire day’s worth of alchemic work?” Mustang yelled. “If you felt fine this never would have happened!”

“I didn’t mean-“

“I _know_ you didn’t _mean_ for this to happen, but it did. Your carelessness and lack of self-preservation nearly cost someone else’s life.”

Ed’s face dropped at what Mustang was saying, and he found it hard to get a decent breath in. Mustang didn’t seem to notice, however.

“You almost killed that worker, and for what? Pride? To save yourself from being embarrassed?” Mustang snapped. “You messed up, Fullmetal. I gave you a chance to sit this one out and take more time off, but instead, you insisted on completing the job today only to royally screw it over!”

E felt his cheeks getting hot, and he looked down at the carpet. Everything seemed to blur together, and he couldn’t shake the feeling that he had failed and almost lead to yet _another_ death.

Hohenheim was right.

_Hohenheim was right._

“Sir, with all due respect I think he understands well enough,” Riza spoke up, having walked over to stand at Mustang’s side.

Mustang peered up at her, brows furrowed together in anger and frustration. He glanced at Edward out of the corner of his eye, noting how bad he looked and how upset he seemed.

However, something about that seemed to strike him funny, and he just felt himself getting even angrier.

“No, I need to make sure Fullmetal understands that this kind of thing _can’t happen,”_ Roy scowled, getting up and walking around his desk so that he stood in front of Edward, who was still avoiding his eyes.

“Your ideocracy and impulsivity have always cost the military, but this is inexcusable. What would have happened if he had died?” Roy snapped.

“I need you to be on your best game, as a State Alchemist and as a part of my team. Your actions today only put other people in danger.”

Ed nodded, biting his lip in a poor attempt to keep from crying. His head hurt, his stomach hurt, he felt sick and lightheaded, all Ed wanted was to go home and forget today had ever happened. He knew he was a burden to the military, he didn’t need Roy to tell him that.

“I promise I can go fix it, I’ll help-“

“You’ve helped plenty,” Mustang growled. “You are to take three days to recover, and reflect on why you need to be more careful and take better care of yourself. I had _better_ not see your ass within twenty feet of this building until three days have passed.”

Ed’s eyes widened and he gaped at Mustang.

“But-“

“That’s an order, Fullmetal,” Mustang glared down at him. “Go home.”

The harsh tone of Mustang’s voice sent chills down Ed’s spine, hauntingly reminding him of Hohenheim’s voice, and sending another wave of panic through his body. Taking a shaky breath, he slowly turned and made his way out the door and through the hallways. Nothing was registering, and Ed merely dragged through the hallways on muscle memory alone. His thoughts were racing a mile a minute, and he could barely hear what was going on around him. At one point he thought Al was saying something to him, but he couldn’t understand what was going on.

* * *

 

Al watched as Ed seemed to check out and he began to grow immensely worried. His brother seemed to be in shock with what had happened, and Al could understand why. All he could do was follow his brother through the hallways, apologizing to people who had to move out of the way.

Something was seriously wrong.

Al placed a soft hand around Ed’s shoulder and helped guide him out of the building and towards home. He felt awful, he should have checked Ed’s alchemy, he should have been better about getting Ed to go home earlier. He knew Ed was probably blaming himself for what had happened, but Al knew he was just at fault.

* * *

 Meanwhile, Riza was giving Roy a lecture of her own back at Central.

“You shouldn’t have been so harsh on them, everyone makes mistakes and no one was seriously injured,” Riza stated.

“They put someone in the hospital!”

“For a broken arm,” Riza glared at him.

“He had rubble come falling down on him, it could have been a lot worse,” Roy argued.

“Sir, Ed isn’t feeling well. He didn’t mean to make that mistake, and while he does need to be more diligent and not act so rashly, he’s still just a kid. He’s going through a lot right now,” Riza explained softly. “You and I both know something’s still wrong; there’s something he’s not telling us.”

Mustang groaned and laid his head on his desk.

“I know. I don’t know why I got so angry with him. He just looked so surprised and I got so frustrated. Especially since I knew something was off this morning, and I told him not to take this job if he wasn’t feeling well. If only the damn brat ever _listened_.”

“I know Roy,” Riza said quietly, placing a hand over Mustang’s and giving it a gently squeeze. “You’re worried about him, that’s all. And I am too, but you need to be more considerate with him, especially right now. Something’s wrong, but we can’t force him to tell us, and he’s not going to come to us if he feels you’ll just get angry with him.”

Roy sighed, “I…I really screwed up, didn’t I?”

Riza chuckled.

“I don’t know about that, but I definitely think you need to apologize to him for getting _so_ angry about it. Trust me, he understands the lesson you intended. Knowing him, he’s probably going to just make himself even more sick with guilt.”

“What would I do without you Riza,” Roy muttered.

“Well, you probably wouldn’t get as much work done. And you might make a few more people angry,” Riza smirked. Roy grinned back at her, laughter rumbling through his chest.

“Do you think he’s going to be ok?” Roy said as he lifted his head from his desk.

Riza’s silence only made Roy more worried, and he looked at her with fear.

“I don’t know,” Riza whispered. “But he has us, and he has Al, and I’m sure that even if things aren’t ok for right now, they will be with time. I think…I think he just has too many things stressing him out right now, and isn’t doing a good job of taking care of himself on top of that.”

Mustang nodded to that. “I get it, I went through the same thing. I just hope he can pull himself out of it, I don’t…I don’t want him to end up like I did during military school and Ishval.”

Riza hummed softly and placed a hand on Mustang’s shoulder in solidarity.

“He has you looking out for him Roy, he’s going to be just fine.”

* * *

 

Ed was most certainly not “just fine” as he and Al made their way into the small home. Hohenheim was in the kitchen making coffee, his research notes scattered about the living room.

“Why don’t you head upstairs to rest Ed, I’ll get going on that pasta with Dad and check on you in a bit,” Al suggested. Ed merely nodded dully; his eyes were glazed as he wandered upstairs.

He shut the door behind him and all but threw himself on his bed, where he curled in on himself, gipping his knees tightly. His whole body was shaking, and his stomach clenched and unclenched with every passing thought.

_He had almost killed someone._

_He had really fucked this job up._

_Mustang wasn’t going to want him on his team anymore._

_Hohenheim was going to yell at him about it._

_Hohenheim was right._

_Ed was a failure._

_He was a failure._

Throwing a hand over his mouth, Ed rolled over quickly and barely made it to the bathroom before losing the measly lunch one of the workers had offered them earlier. Tears ran down his cheeks as he pressed his forehead against the cool porcelain of the lid.

 _Life is really giving me the short straw on everything right now, huh?_ Ed grimaced as he lost to another wave of bile and saliva.

He could barely keep his breathing steady, and his lungs ached from the stress they’d been under all day. He slid his jacket and gloves off, the cool air helping calm his overworked and overstressed body. Everything inside of him felt tense and ready to break, and as he stood with shaky legs his vision swam in front of him.

_Why couldn’t he do anything right?_

Ed took a few steps forward, gripping the edge of the sink for a moment to try and catch his breath.

_Why did Mustang and Hohenheim hate him so much?_

He made it about halfway to his bed, before his vision grew hazy and he couldn’t tell what was up and what was down.

_He really was a murderer, like Hohenheim said he was. He almost killed another today._

His thoughts were all coming too quickly, and his body was in no condition to keep up with it.

_He deserved everything that was happening._

The floor rushed up to meet him, and all Ed saw was black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and being patient as I crank this fic out! I'm excited for the next few chapters!!


	7. Worry Rising

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ed gripped his stomach tightly, tears threatening to spill out of his eyes. Everything hurt, both inside and out. 
> 
> He wasn’t sure what was going to happen, where things were going to go. He’d been so hopeful that it was going to start to look up, even just a little, but clearly Hohenheim had different plans for him. 
> 
> Ed was, without a doubt, terrified.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your continued support and kind words! I appreciate each and every one of you, and I'm super excited about where this is heading. Thank you as always for being patient with me!
> 
> As usual, this chapter involves harsh language, physical and verbal abuse, panic attacks/references to anxiety/paranoia, and physical illness, so please read with caution!

Al watched as Ed walked upstairs, and made his way into the kitchen. Hohenheim was clearly busy working on something but glanced up as Al walked in and shot him a smile.

“Welcome back Alphonse, how did the job go today?”

Al sighed and shook his head. “It went alright, but Ed still isn’t feeling well and trying to fix everything just made parts of it worse. We accidentally injured an innocent man, well, not _directly_ … but the alchemic work collapsed and the ceiling fell on him.”

Al groaned and sat across the table from where Hohenheim was seated.

“I just feel so awful. I knew Ed wasn’t feeling great, and I should have made him come home sooner. I should have checked the alchemic work better, I should have offered to help him out, I-“

“It’s not your fault Al,” Hohenheim stated calmly. “If Ed wasn’t feeling well, he should have spoken up, and if he needed help then he should have asked for it. He’s the one in the military, not you, it was _his_ job.”

Al chuckled lightly at that. “As if, Ed would never do either of those things.”

Hohenheim simply nodded at that, as though he hadn’t expected anything different.

“What is Ed feeling?” He asked after a moment.

“I wish I knew,” Al huffed. “He doesn’t tell me anything about that either! I know his stomach was really bothering him this morning, and now I think he’s just really tired and overdrawn. Whatever stomach bug he caught this morning really wiped him.”

“Is his stomach still hurting him?” Hohenheim asked, with what appeared to be a hint of concern and fear.

“No, I don’t think so. I think he’s just exhausted.”

Hohenheim sighed deeply at that, seemingly relieved. Al was relieved too; if Ed’s stomach had still been hurting with the severity it had this morning, Al wouldn’t have hesitated to take him to a doctor or the hospital.

Al was definitely grateful he hadn’t had to deal with a sick _and_ angry Ed.

Meanwhile, Hohenheim was grateful that he hadn’t had to deal with the potential slew of questions a medical professional would come to him about after seeing Ed. That would be a hard situation to get out of, and it wasn’t one Hohenheim was keen on dealing with anytime soon, if at all.

A loud thud echoed from upstairs and Al jumped, freezing at the terrifying sound.

“Ed!”

Hohenheim stood quickly and placed a hand on Al’s shoulder, stopping him from sprinting upstairs.

“Why don’t you get started on dinner and I’ll go check on him, see if I need to take him to a doctor,” he lied smoothly. Or, partially lied. While he may not have the intention of taking Ed to a doctor unless absolutely necessary, he did want to check in on him.

Al seemed to debate whether or not he wanted to listen to that suggestion, but ended up nodding curtly and turning to rifle through the pantry.

“Please make sure he’s ok,” Al muttered softly. “I’m really worried about him.”

Hohenheim was glad Al’s back was to him so he didn’t see the grimace he made, and humming a quick answer he turned and strode upstairs.

* * *

 

Finding Ed sprawled out in the middle of the floor wasn’t what he was expecting, and in a panic, he lurched forward and placed a quick two fingers to the pale boy’s neck.

His tension eased greatly when he found a stable, albeit quicker than usual, heartbeat. He’d be fine, he just passed out. From what, Hohenheim decided he didn’t care; as long as he wasn’t in dire need of medical assistance, he’d be just fine.

However, it would look a bit odd if he returned downstairs so suddenly, and there _were_ things he wanted to discuss with Edward: particularly at how he’d gone and messed up yet _another_ job. Ed still needed to pay rent for the month, and surely the military wouldn’t pay him for causing such a mess. Not to mention that the house was starting to get dusty and he sure as hell didn’t intend to clean it. He was much too busy with far more important alchemic research.  

Finding a small chair and desk in the corner of the room, Hohenheim slid the chair around and took a seat, waiting patiently for Ed to come to.

It didn’t take terribly long, and within a few minutes Ed was blinking sluggishly from his position on the floor.

* * *

 

Ed blinked a few times, uncertain as to his surroundings. Last he’d remembered he’d been in Central with Mustang.

The flood of memories came rushing back and Mustang’s harsh and furious voice returned to him once again, reminding him of everything he had done, or failed to do.

Ed grit his teeth and tried to think on something else, which wasn’t hard considering his head was screaming at him, and his limbs ached from all the stress that he’d been under.

The floor was also cold and unwelcoming, and with a deep breath Ed slid his arms under him and pushed himself off the wood. His head roared with the struggle and the room spun for a moment before settling, but it was better than it had been while he was down.

Finally sitting up somewhat stably, Ed let himself take a deep breath.

“Glad to see you’re finally awake,” Hohenheim sneered from the chair in which he was residing.

Ed jolted and swung his head around to meet the loveless golden eyes that bore down at him, wincing as the notion hurt his head. Every part of him was on edge, and he felt like a mouse trapped in a corner, lion bearing down on him.

“What-“

“How could you be so careless?” Hohenheim snapped, standing so that he was bearing over Ed menacingly. Ed couldn’t do much more than gape at the man, having a hard time keeping it together. Not to mention his brain was still scrambled from having just come to.

“At first I couldn’t believe someone could screw something over so badly, but then I realized that since you were the one doing the job, it made more sense,” Hohenheim growled. “You really _are_ a failure; if you were just going to mess it up like that you didn’t deserve the job in the first place. Do you even deserve the title of State Alchemist?”

Ed blanched, his body starting to shake.

Hohenheim was wrong, he was wrong…wasn’t he?

“Maybe you _should_ resign from the position, I’m sure your little military buddies would be appreciative. They wouldn’t have to look after a bratty child anymore, especially a bratty child that just fucks everything up anyways.”

Ed grit his teeth, and dared look Hohenheim in the eyes. He didn’t like what he saw, but he had to do _something._

“I…I thought you liked that I worked because then I could get out of your way,” Ed argued back as calmly as possible.

“I _do_ enjoy not having to deal with you all day,” Hohenheim noted, “and the pay you get from the military definitely helps. But if you’re just going to keep messing things up like this, do you even deserve to get paid? Maybe if you resigned and found an easier job, you’d be less likely to fuck it up.”

In truth, Hohenheim figured that if Ed wasn’t in the military there would be less of a chance of them poking their noses in places they didn’t belong, the nosey group of them.

Ed squirmed under the intense glare, and hung his head to stare at the floor.

Everything Hohenheim was saying made sense, as much as he hated to think about it. He _had_ gone and messed the job up, and hurt an innocent worker. He really didn’t deserve to get paid for it, and Ed hoped Mustang would use the money he would have gotten to pay for the man’s hospital treatment instead.

Ed briefly thought about calling Mustang to ask him to do that, but Ed didn’t want to piss the man off any further than he already had.

“Are you even listening to me!?”

Suddenly a stiff hand was on his shoulder, forcing him off the floor. Ed’s legs shook unsteadily and he had to fight to catch his balance at the sudden action. He felt weak, and drained, and scared.

“No, no I was! I-“

“Worthless brat,” Hohenheim sneered. “Don’t even bother trying to lie to me about it. I don’t know what you were thinking about, but this is important so try and pay attention.”

The hand was released, thankfully, and Hohenheim crossed his arms, staring Ed down.

Ed winced as he rolled his shoulder back slightly, and took a deep breath to steady himself as best as he could.

“Yes,” He responded, waiting to hear whatever Hohenheim had to say.

The man merely frowned at him and tapped his foot impatiently, and Ed scrambled to correct his “mistake”.

“Yes sir,” he muttered.

With a smug smile, Hohenheim turned and began to walk around Ed, forcing Ed to constantly turn and readjust his already unsteady legs.

“While I do think the military is good for whipping you into shape and instilling some manners into you, I would appreciate a little more help around the house. If I’m to be providing for you and putting a roof over your head, I think a few chores are the _least_ you could do in return,” he explained.

“But…I’m already paying rent-“

“Don’t talk back to me.”

Hohenheim halted his menacing circle to step forward and peer into Ed’s face. Ed bit his lip and nodded quickly, not wanting to suffer through another argument.

“Anyway, I am grateful that you’re paying rent and helping out in that sense, but unless you want me to start asking Al to pay rent as well, some chores are in order,” Hohenheim stated confidently. “After all, I am providing for _both_ of you, and a three-bedroom house is more work and more expensive than a two room one.”

Ed’s eyes widened at the thought, and he was quick to nod and show he understood. It didn’t make too much sense, seeing as Al didn’t sleep or eat and wouldn’t need anything like that. And if Hohenheim was so worried about the finances of everything, Ed could always return to the military dorms that were provided. Though, if Ed returned, it would leave Al alone with Hohenheim, and he couldn’t chance that. He’d worked too hard to protect his younger brother to just abandon him like that, no matter how much he had to suffer for it.

Ed definitely noted that this could be considered blackmail, Hohenheim holding his brother and his brother’s wellbeing over him in order to keep him around to use him like this. _Though,_ Ed noted, _it’s not like there was much he could do about it. At least not now._

“What…what would you like me to help with?” Ed asked softly. “…sir,” he added after Hohenheim shot him a glare.

“Well, I think as long as you cleaned the floors, counters, and did the dishes daily, that would be sufficient,” Hohenheim stated, ceasing his circling and settling to stand in front of Edward.

Ed gaped at the list; while they may not take terribly long individually, to have to do all of those was something he simply didn’t have time for on top of his military duties. Not to mention if he was ever going to get time to research how to get his and Al’s bodies back.

“I…I don’t think I’m going to have time to do all of those things,” Ed stuttered. “I already have military responsibilities that you said were important too.”

“You’ll make time, if you want to get dinner and be allowed to continue staying here.”

Ed’s stomach dropped.

Everything Hohenheim was saying refuted his earlier apology, and his promise of feeding him so that his automail didn’t wear his body down into nothing.

“But you promised!” Ed about yelled, not caring that he was talking back to him again. “You promised that you’d feed me so that what happened before doesn’t happen again!”

Heavy footsteps echoed in Ed’s ears as Hohenheim walked towards him, until he was mere inches from where Ed stood shakily. He bent down until his face was right in front of Ed’s, and Ed couldn’t help but flinch back ever so slightly.

“I was going to get after you about talking back, but you’re right,” he said after a while, continuing to stay within inches of Ed’s nose.

Every muscle in Ed’s body was on edge, ready to flee if need be, as he waited patiently.

“I did promise you food, and I’ll continue to act on that promise. However, if you aren’t behaving, or aren’t doing a good job, I can’t promise it will be…edible,” Hohenheim smirked, his white teeth glinting under the dim light of the room.

Ed couldn’t help but whimper slightly at what Hohenheim was saying, and he hated the way his body couldn’t seem to stop shaking. He was a State Alchemist for crying out loud, he’d fought other alchemists and weird monsters without so much as blinking.

_Why was he so paralyzed now?_

_Why couldn’t he fight back?_

_Why was he such a coward?_

“What…what do you mean?” Ed dared ask, already knowing he wasn’t going to like the answer provided.

“You’re a smart little brat, I think you can figure it out,” Hohenheim snarled.

Ed gaped for a moment, trying to discern what Hohenheim was hinting at, but he was having a hard time focusing with everything that was going on.

Hohenheim huffed with impatience as he waited for Ed to try and figure it out. He was wanting him to come to the realization on his own, so he could relish in the horror he’d no doubt display. However, he wasn’t known for being a very patient man.

“For example, how was your food this morning? Or last night?” Hohenheim grinned smugly, “I’d bet it made you feel energized and content _all day today._ ”

Ed froze.

Everything seemed to spin before him, and he half-sat half-fell on the floor.

“What did you _do_ to it?” He asked hollowly, his voice and face void of anything. He felt numb, and terrified.

“Oh please, for a State Alchemist you really are pathetic. How hard is it to figure it out? Do I really need to spell it out for you?” Hohenheim snapped.

Ed shook his head, feeling lightheaded and dizzy. He was definitely in shock, and everything seemed to be going so quickly.

“You…you poisoned it…” Ed choked out.

“I don’t know if I’d say _poison_ per say, but something along those lines perhaps. I thought I’d give you some incentive to behave,” Hohenheim chuckled harshly.

Ed’s eyes only widened as he processed everything that was going on. His father, or “father” as was a better term, had _poisoned_ him.

Poison.

* * *

 

Ed didn’t know what to feel; he felt betrayed, horrified, absolutely sick all at once. Sure, he had thought of it but he didn’t realize Hohenheim was actually willing to go to such lengths. It was terrifying, and it made Ed start to question everything that had been happening. Verbal insults he could manage, and as terrifying as the physical stuff had been, he could deal with that too.

This…Ed wasn’t sure what to do.

It was all so confusing and complicated, nothing he did seemed to satisfy the man. Thinking back on the early days in Resembool when things had just started to get heated, Ed desperately wished he could go back to them.

The verbal insults had steadily increased over their weeks there, sure, and Ed had been devastated in the moment, but it was _nothing_ compared to everything he was dealing with now.

He never would predicted that things would have escalated this much.

_When did he let things get so bad?_

Not that there was anything he could do to fix it, however. Mustang was already livid with him, and Ed doubted he’d believe anything that came out of his mouth. Hawkeye was loyal to Mustang, and while she might be more believing, she hadn’t seemed to have suspected Hohenheim of anything when they met.

Al couldn’t know, Havoc would only tell Mustang and Hawkeye, and Winry was too far away to do anything to help. Not that he’d want to bother her with this stuff anyway.

Suddenly the crinkled note Roger gave him felt a hell of a lot more important.

* * *

 

A rough kick to the side jerked Ed out of his thoughts and he bit his tongue to keep from yelling out. Having not expected it, it threw him off balance and he hit the floor harshly on his automail shoulder, wincing at the sudden jarring movement.

“Damn brat I thought I told you to _listen,”_ Hohenheim snarled. “While I enjoy seeing that look on your face, I also need you to pay attention.”

Ed couldn’t do much else other than nod, still shocked from the sudden assault.

“I thought…you promised…you apologized for what you did, why are you kicking me now?” Ed choked out. “I don’t understand, you said you weren’t going to hurt me anymore!”

Hohenheim paused for a moment, seemingly shocked about the question.

“Things change,” he said after a moment. “I _am_ sorry that I acted so rashly the other day, but I think if you’re doing something to justify it then it’s to be expected. I’m not unreasonable.”

“But-“

“It’s not unreasonable to be punished for doing something wrong, is it?” Hohenheim stated coldly, glaring down at Ed.

Edward could barely breathe. He’d gotten his hopes up for nothing, _nothing_ was going to change and he had been a fool for believing it would. He felt ridiculous and stupid for having been such an eager and naïve child. He moved to push himself into a sitting position when he felt another swift kick to his stomach.

“Is it?” Hohenheim half-shouted, still trying to be mindful of Al downstairs.

“It’s not unreasonable,” Ed whimpered, curling in on himself. Everything hurt, and he knew the bruises he had from the other day would only be worse tomorrow after these events.

“Good. Now, since you’re home early and the military isn’t _pleased_ with you right now, that you’ll have some extra time on your hands, so I expect to see you cleaning in your free time,” Hohenheim mentioned.

Ed merely bit his lip and nodded.

“Hohen-sir…how…how am I supposed to get everything done on top of military work? I want to help out, I just don’t know how I’m supposed to do everything all at once,” Ed asked quietly, his voice barely but a whisper.

Hohenheim seemed ready to snap again, before he took a moment to collect himself. It wasn’t an unreasonable question, and he’d worded it nicely enough.

“I guess you’ll just have to figure out how to manage your time. No different than being an adult,” he shrugged. “You’ll figure it out if you know what’s good for you.”

With that, Hohenheim turned and left, satisfied with how that had gone. He relished in the control he had over the fiery alchemist, and took pride in the fact that he had been the one to help clip his ego and mold him into a more sophisticated and better-mannered child.

_After all, that’s what his job as a father was supposed to be, right?_

* * *

 

Ed gripped his stomach tightly, tears threatening to spill out of his eyes. Everything hurt, both inside and out.

He wasn’t sure what was going to happen, where things were going to go. He’d been so hopeful that it was going to start to look up, even just a little, but clearly Hohenheim had different plans for him.

Ed was, without a doubt, terrified.

And even that was putting it mildly, considering the way his heart was hammering in his chest and he couldn’t breathe and he felt hot and everything was spinning and _oh god he couldn’t breathe._

_How was he supposed to find time to do everything?_

_Even if he gave it his all, how would he know whether his food would be alright or not?_

_How was he supposed to ever feel safe again?_

His stomach churned angrily and Ed scrambled to his knees and half-crawled half-drug himself into the bathroom, where he proceeded to gag forcibly. He didn’t have anything left to give, however, and the empty gesture did nothing more than bring tears into his eyes and make him even more upset.

Spots danced in front of his eyes and he gripped the edge of the toilet seat firmly in an attempt to keep himself grounded and get his breathing back in order.

A soft rap on the door shook him out of his thoughts and he winced at the sound. His breathing was still much too fast, and he could barely focus.

“Ed? Are you alright? It’s been a little while and I hadn’t heard from you after Dad came to check on you…”

Al’s voice was a calm presence to his panicked soul, though he could have sworn he hadn’t been panicking for _that_ long.

He tried to choke out something, _anything_ that would convince Al everything was alright and that he was fine, but it seemed he was too far gone to even manage that.

The door creaked open softly and a harsh intake of breath was heard through the room. Al was quick to make his way over to where Ed was sitting on the floor of the bathroom, gripping his shirt tightly with one hand, and the rim of the porcelain bowl with the other.

A few uncontrollable tears were steadily making their way down his face, and he still couldn’t breathe.

“Ed? Did you get sick?” Al asked softly, placing guiding hands on Ed’s and slowly removing the fingers from where he held, so that Al had both of them in his palms.

Ed couldn’t do much other than nod, and Al sighed.

“Ok, can I bring you to your bed so you can lay down?” Al asked. “Or would you rather I get Dad and have him take you to the doctor?”

The mention of Hohenheim made Ed freeze, and he felt like a herd of horses was trampling on his chest.

Al watched his brother’s eyes grow foggy as he stopped moving, sitting up like a statue.

“Ed?”

Ed bit his lip and closed his eyes, trying to calm his breathing down. He felt Al’s hand around his shoulder, and was grateful for the support.

“Ed are you ok?”

The soft voice that came after a while of silence snapped Ed out of his panic and he took a few shaky breaths to calm down.

“I’m ok Al, I’m just tired and going to go lay down for a bit,” Ed muttered, pulling his hands from Al’s and moving to stand up.

Despite the lack of emotion Al could display, Ed knew he was hurt and disappointed with him.

He didn’t even have to look at him to know that much.

“Ed, Ed wait-“ Al huffed, placing steady hands on Ed’s shoulders and helping him stand. Ed’s legs nearly buckled with the sudden weight and the exhaustion he was suffering, and Al had to readjust his position to keep him upright.

Together, the two of them made their way to Edward’s bed, and Ed sat on the edge of it gratefully. Al took a seat next to him, the bed groaning under the extra weight.

“Ed…I don’t know what’s going on with you but there’s something you’re not telling me and…I’m _scared_ for you brother. You’re not yourself, and you aren’t taking care of yourself. I know, I know you’re not always very good at that, but it’s never been like this. What’s bothering you? You know you can come to me, right? I’m always here for you,” Al rambled nervously, hoping that Ed would take the bait and give him the conversation he’d so desperately wanted to have.

Ed however, was internally panicking over what to say. He couldn’t just _tell_ Al everything that had been going on, but he also couldn’t lie without hurting him, and making himself feel guilty and awful.

“I don’t know Al…” He muttered honestly. “I’m just not feeling great, and I’m pretty tired. I just need some good rest and I’ll be back to normal.”

“Don’t _say_ that Ed!” Al snapped, moving off the bed to kneel in front of Ed. Ed couldn’t help but flinch at the sudden movement and Al’s raise in voice.

“I know things aren’t ok and that this is more than you just getting sick, something is seriously bothering you and I don’t understand why you can’t just _tell_ me,” Al cried. “I’m here for you and I love you, _please_ let me help Ed…”

Ed bit his lip and hung his head slightly, determined to both keep from crying and let Al know how much he was struggling with the current situation.

“It’ll be ok Al-“

“Damn it Ed, it might be ok eventually but that doesn’t mean you need to shoulder it all on your own!” Al argued angrily, though he was far from angry. He was worried, and concerned, and upset. “I know things didn’t go well today and I’m so sorry for failing to check things and make sure you were ok and-“

“Whoa Al wait,” Ed interrupted. “What the hell are you talking about? The only one who messed things up today was me, don’t blame yourself for it. I’m frustrated about it but I’ll get over it. I have three days off to do so anyways,” Ed was quick to mention, though he knew he wouldn’t get over it anytime soon.

“It’s both our faults-“

“My job,” Ed snapped. “It was my job, so messing it up was my fault. I’m the one that did alchemy, not you.” He sighed, and his next words were barely more than a whisper.

“Please Al…please don’t blame yourself for it.”

Al opened his mouth to say something but paused, hearing the dejected tone in Ed’s voice. He rarely was so soft spoken and pleading, and it was chilling.

“…ok brother,” Al muttered softly. “But don’t blame yourself too much, I know you want to take the brunt of the guilt but you don’t have to always protect me, I’m your brother. I can protect you too sometimes you know.”

Ed worried his lip between his teeth as he tried to keep from breaking into a sob. Al’s words hit too close to home, and while he appreciated Al being there Al could never protect him from what was going on. Ed refused to let it happen.

“What’s going on Ed?” Al asked again, softly.

Ed shook his head, not trusting himself to speak without breaking into a million pieces, or giving in and telling Al everything that was going on.

He couldn’t.

He just couldn’t.

* * *

 

Al sighed, but didn’t pester him about it. He was incredibly worried, but he could also see how exhausted Ed was, and how hard he was trying to stay strong and not cry in front of Al. Al _wished_ Ed would just let it out and cry in front of him, but that wasn’t his brother’s way and he needed to respect that.

He’d be here for whenever Ed needed him, and he knew Ed knew that too.

“Ok Ed, I’m not going to force you to talk about things. I’m just worried, ok? I’ll let you get some rest but if you need anything _please_ ask for help? You aren’t alone in this Ed, whatever this may be,” Al muttered softly. He placed a hand on Ed’s shoulder in a reassuring gesture before slipping out of the room and heading back downstairs.

* * *

 

Ed watched as Al walked out, and waited for the door to close before laying down and curling himself into a ball. The tears he’d worked so hard to fight back came rushing out and the next thing he knew, he had cried himself to sleep.

* * *

 

With Ed upstairs, and Hohenheim having left for the afternoon to do some research at the library and run a few errands, the house was quiet. Normally it’d be a peaceful kind of quiet; one in which you could pick up a book, brew a warm cup of tea, and settle down for the afternoon to enjoy some relaxing moments.

However, Al was nearly sick with worry – if he could get sick that is – and the quiet was only suffocating for him.

Picking up the phone, he punched in the memorized numbers and waited for the dial tone before providing his brother’s information.

“Fullmetal, I must say I’m surprised that you called-“

“It’s Alphonse actually,” Al was quick to cut Roy off before he could get the wrong idea.

“Oh, Alphonse, I didn’t expect to hear from you. Is everything ok?”

Al could hear the shift in Mustang’s tone, and was relieved that he was still concerned for Ed despite everything that had happened.

“I…I don’t know,” Al muttered, his voice breaking slightly. “I’m worried about Ed, and I know he and I messed up big time today and we’re really really sorry and-“

“Hey, Alphonse, just breathe for a second,” Mustang murmured softly. “I…I was wrong to get as mad about it as I did. What you boys did was reckless, and stupid, and unbelievably dangerous. It could have been a lot worse of a situation than it was, but I also know things aren’t all that great right now and I should have been more…considerate.”

Al was stunned, to say the least. He hadn’t expected any kind of an apology from Mustang, especially not after everything that had happened.

“Oh…uh, thank you Sir, but I don’t think I’m the one that really needs to hear those words,” Al mumbled.

Roy chuckled on the other end of the line.

“I don’t suppose you’d be willing to pass that along for me huh?” He asked, already knowing the answer.

Alphonse laughed lightly for a moment, “I think you and I both know that he needs to hear it from you.”

Roy hummed in agreement, “What’s going on Alphonse? What has you so worried? Do I need to send for a medic? Is everything alright?”

“It’s nothing like that, well, at least I don’t _think_ it’s anything like that,” Al muttered. “I’m just scared; Ed isn’t acting like himself and he won’t tell me anything. He’s been crying a lot more lately, and hasn’t been sleeping well, and looks terrified all the time. I just…I was wondering if you knew what to do. Or if he’d told you anything about whatever’s bothering him.”

There was a long moment of silence, and Al almost wondered if Mustang had hung up on him, before he spoke again.

“I don’t know Al,” Mustang spoke somberly. “He hasn’t told us anything; if he went to anyone it would be you so I’m not sure why he’s being so weird about it. I’m sorry I can’t offer more advice other than just being there for him, and keeping an eye out. We’ll do our best from this end to do the same, though I still don’t expect him in for the next three days.”

Al nodded, though Mustang couldn’t see that.

“I understand. Thank you for looking out for him,” Alphonse said.

“Of course, Alphonse. He’s part of the team. Do call if anything changes or if you need anything,” Roy added.

“Thank you sir, will do.”

Al hung up the phone, not feeling any more relieved than he had before he called. He _was_ grateful that Mustang and the team were there for him, and had realized something was wrong. And he _was_ relieved that Mustang wasn’t as mad about today as he had been earlier. Considering the state Ed was in, he knew Roy apologizing would go a long way for him.

However, he was still just as concerned that something was seriously wrong, and he had _no_ idea what it could be. He knew Ed was probably stressed about being around Hohenheim again, and having to adjust, but they’d had a lot of time in Resembool to get used to it. Surely he’d have warmed up at least a little to the idea by now, and surely it wasn’t the cause of _this_ much stress for him.

Shaking his head, Al walked into the living room and took a seat on the couch, pulling the book he was reading earlier off the coffee table.

Maybe after some rest Ed would be willing to talk with him.

Just maybe.

* * *

 

Roy set the phone down after Al hung up, and sighed deeply, running his fingers through his hair worriedly.

“Is everything alright?” Riza asked from where she was filling out paperwork on the other side of the room.

“That was Alphonse,” he muttered. Riza’s eyes widened and even from across the room Roy could tell she had tensed up.

“He’s worried about Full-Edward, and wanted to know if Ed had told us anything.”

Riza nodded to that, her concern lessening, but only slightly.

“I see…” She trailed off. “Has Ed not told him about anything?”

“Apparently not, which raises my concern. He’s clearly hiding something, but if he’s not even willing to tell Alphonse about it, it makes me incredibly worried as to what it is that he’s hiding,” Roy admitted.

“Well, I think if you apologize to him when he comes in in a few days, that might help him be more willing to open up about things. To you or to Al,” Riza added. “Sometimes things just take time, and eventually he’ll be willing to talk to someone about whatever is going on. We just need to give him that time, and respect his boundaries.”

Roy nodded, picking up his pen to resume where he was at before Alphonse called.

“What if by giving him that time, things only get worse?” Roy pondered solemnly.

Riza merely sighed, and shook her head. “All we can do is be here for him regardless,” she said softly. “And just hope that he comes to someone before they get there.”

There was unspoken tension in the room following her response, and the silence only carried the shared worry that Roy and Riza were having.

_What on earth was going on, that was so bad Ed couldn’t tell anyone about it?_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now that college has sort of slowed down I hope to get more chapters out a little faster than I have been, but I appreciate the patience nonetheless!


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